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Silent All These Years

I was11 years old when I was raped by my brothers friend. He was 17 years old and everyone loved him, including my parents. I won't ever forget the first time it happened I had came home from school and my oldest brother and his friend was there my brother had to go to work and he asked his friend if he could stay with me until my mom got home. I felt safe because he has always been around our house spending the night, eating dinner with us etc. I remember walking to the kitchen from my room to get something to drink, and when I closed the refrigerator door he was behind it, and I told him he scared me and he started feeling on my chest, telling me how one day they would grow bigger than what they are, I felt a little wired but not scared. I moved his hand and started walking to our sunroom to watch cartoons, and he started walking behind me, then he stopped and locked the front door to my house and came and sat beside me, I didn't feel scared just thought he wanted to watch tv also. Then he started feeling on my chest again and I told him to stop,then he didn't so I started feeling scared and told him if he didn't stop I was gonna tell, he told me there is no one here but you and me and if you tell anyone I'm going to hurt you real bad, he told me to lay down on the floor and don't move, I wouldn't do it so he twisted my arm and I started crying and layed down. He began talking off all my clothes and kissing all over my body and then he started trying to put his penis inside of me and I remember screaming crying and calling for my mom, he held my arms to the floor and kept going, I remember feeling so much pain and when he finished he told me that I am going to make someone a good wife and he was going to help me not cry anymore, he took me to the bathroom and told me to get in the bathtub and he washed me and I remember seeing blood in my water and he gave me two pills and made me swallow them and told me that it wont hurt anymore and put me in my bed then told me he loved me. I was forced to have sex with him until I was 19 years old and I didn't tell anyone until I was 29, I feel like talking about it doesn't help and that it only brings back bad memories... He will be celebrating Christmas with my family this year, I haven't seen him since I was 20 and I am 29, and I am still scared of him. I have nightmares about it, and very scared when I am home alone, I sometimes smell him and feel like he is around but he doesn't live in this state anymore..... I am scared that he may try something again.
Savien8 Savien8 26-30, F 15 Responses Dec 12, 2012

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Why did you keep it inside for so long? Its your fault really. OPEN YOUR DAMN MOUTH AND TELL ******* SOMEONE ABOUT IT U WEAK ****!!! How could you be so stupid?? Ur old enough to know better! Shouldve told ur ******* brother earlier at least then that monster would be jailed

That is so sad. Just stay away from him. Keep telling someone until you get help. Attackers love to threanten people but what can they do when they are called out? You are an adult now. You dont have to be scared of him anymore. Be strong.

Such a lousy situation to deal with Savien8, but you really do need to deal with it. It will take a lot of strength and courage to get this out in the open, not only to your friends and family but to the police as well. It is very likely you are not his only victim and this lowlife needs to be held accountable for his actions. At this point, odds of getting him put in prison are slim but it is totally possible. It is completely understandable why you have kept this bottled up for so long but the pain and anguish will continue to eat away at you along with those haunting memories as long as you keep holding it in. Nothing will ever change what happened to you but you can change the effect it has on you. Having this worthless POS at your family dinner table is horrendously unconscionable and just putting an end to that would be a victory well worth fighting for. Of course he will deny it and try making you out to be the "evil one" but you are the victim here and nothing can change the truth. Opening up in this forum is a good start, keep taking baby steps until you are ready to run over this creep like a steam roller. Councellors, mental health professionals, and victim advocacy centers are all good resources to help you conquer this devastating experience. Stand behind the truth, face your fears and don't back down!

You need to expose this worthless for what he is! Please tell your family. Don't allow him to win by keeping "his" shameful secret! Take the power away from him! God bless you and I wish you luck

Wow. I am so very sorry this happened to you. This guy is a sick, demented creep who deserves to be UNDER a jail, not in it. He took your power away, so now you have to take it back. I think you should definitely talk to a therapist, and maybe taking self defense classes like Muy Thai, WuShu or kickboxing will help you feel in control. If where you stay allows it, perhaps get a dog or a pet. They make great companions and you may not feel so fearful when you are at home alone. And when you go home for the holidays you may want to have mace or bear spray in hand. Let him know you are not afraid to use it and you're not afraid to call 911 either.

Wow. I am so very sorry this happened to you. This guy is a sick, demented creep who deserves to be UNDER a jail, not in it. He took your power away, so now you have to take it back. I think you should definitely talk to a therapist, and maybe taking self defense classes like Muy Thai, WuShu or kickboxing will help you feel in control. If where you stay allows it, perhaps get a dog or a pet. They make great companions and you may not feel so fearful when you are at home alone. And when you go home for the holidays you may want to have mace or bear spray in hand. Let him know you are not afraid to use it and you're not afraid to call 911 either.

I feel so sorry for you! Stay strong and wish for the best! Good luck!

I really feel for you ! he was/is a sicko. I mean, you were 11 for gods sake ! things could have gone differently if you told someone then.. but everything happens for a reason, this experience will make you strong, and fully over come your fear. So keep your head up and show him that you are a woman now, and he no longer has control over you !

I'm sorry, but I couldn't keep reading. That man deserves to be in jail... or worse. But you don't need to live your life in fear because of him. You are not alone. Tell someone, someone you trust. Stay strong and don't give in to fear. Don't let him win.

Do not let him have that control over you anymore, and do not go to the party if you are uncomfortable. That is not letting him win, it is protecting yourself. Remember your self worth, he was the horrible person, not you. Be the strong person you have grown into and keep your head high. Do not hide this secret, it will only make it worse, tell your brother, tell your family. Forget the fear of them rejecting you, you will feel a weight lifted off of you and that is worth it. Your true friends and family will understand and support you. Be safe and strong, never let them control your life.

Stay strong! You are a wonderful grown woman who can conquer anything that comes your way! If you see him at the party, ignore him like **** that he is! Keep your head held high !!! You are not alone! :)

Thank you !! That makes me feel a little better:)

I've posed as a "boyfriend" before to keep creepies away for friends. Maybe you have one of those you can trust?

Don't gave any male friends in my life:/

Have

:c stay strong babygirl. I'm here if you want to talk about this. <3

Thank you for your support, Im at a point where I want to know how I can just have ger a peacefully sleep, with out feeling like he is around.

Be strong and tell your family your story. If you let him continue to haunt you, then he has won. Tell your story

I'm really not close to my family, in my years of growing up they haven't really been there for me but I did tell my best friend and a really close friend

Don't let him touch you sweetie. You are a grown woman now, you can defend yourself. Be strong, It's ok. If you need to talk. I'm here!

Thank you!!