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I Lost My Virginity To Rape

I Was Drunk So He Thought He Could Take Advantage.

By: karolinapaigexx
Written on January 6th, 2013
On New Year's Eve i went to someones house party with my bestfriend and three others, we got there and it was fine for ages untill we started the drinking games, now im 16 and really shouldn't have been drinking but since everyone else does it i wanted to, anyways.. So we were doing shots and drinking loads of stuff and dancing and just having a good time, and i could feel the drink going to my head and was getting abit drunk, one of the boys we were with had done drugs at the party and fell asleep in one of the bedrooms, my friends; let's call her T, told me to go check on him to make sure he was okay, so me being drunk did, went in and lay down beside him and asked him if he was okay ect, then from there i don't remember a thing untill coming around for a minute to find him trying to get ontop of me, so i rollowed away and said no telling him not to and tried to get up i think but blacked out from there, then i woke up again to my bestfriend telling me that after that I passed out almost paralytic drunk and apparently he had sex with me three times when I was passed out:( now im not too sure if that is classes as rape but I googled a few things and it said if i didn't give my consent then it is rape, which the first time he went to I said no, but the times when i was passed out , are they rape? Because I was paralytic and couldn't give concent to it.. I keep getting the flashbacks of me lying in the room making sure he was ok, keep getting upset and angry with myself because if it wasn't for me going in it probably wouldn't have happened, I keep blaming myself it's all my fault, is there any tips for me to feel better and what should I do? I can't tell my parents because as im not allowed to house parties she can't know I was at one especially in that state. Was it my fault that happened to me?:'(
By: karolinapaigexx
Age: 16-17 , Female
2,219 people have read this story

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12 responses
  • notavictimasurvivor
    notavictimasurvivor

    If you are unconscious or otherwise unable to give consent, it is rape. If you are under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol it is also rape. If you retract your consent before, during, or after it is also rape. What happened to you was rape. This man should be in jail. He knew what he was doing was wrong

    Apr 2
    1 like
  • karolinapaigexx
    karolinapaigexx

    i don't want to have sex again for a long time because of how much this has affected me, but thanks for your help:)

    Jan 29
    1 like
    • themelody0
      themelody0

      I really hope you'll change your mind about this. Its bad enough what this a*****e did to you, its even worse that his action keeps on affecting you while he's going about his daily life.

      Mar 22
      1 like
  • seekerof
    seekerof

    Enjoy your life and enjoy sex...you made a mistake either purposely or by accident, you are destroyed or broken you are just human.

    Jan 28
    1 like
  • karolinapaigexx
    karolinapaigexx

    thankyou so much for everything, all the comments helped me alot.. im not pregnant it's ok, im feeling better about it and still haven't told my mum but im coping with my bestfriends support; thankyou for all your comments:)

    Jan 28
    1 like
  • SuperMagicMuffin
    SuperMagicMuffin

    100% rape. You said no the first time and was unable to give consent the other times. He took advantage of you and that's terribly wrong. I'm so sorry that happened. I would suggest telling someone face to face what happened. You should really tell you're parents though, they love you even if you did something you weren't supposed to do. They will be there for you.

    Jan 22
    3 likes
  • AlexisGirly
    AlexisGirly

    its not your fault and i hope that u can talk to an adult about this. and im worried if he used protection or not because if he didnt you could have got pregnant. so i would suggest you really talk to an adult and get checked out at a nearby hospital

    Jan 16
    2 likes
  • thinningice
    thinningice

    It's not your fault at all. Every teenager makes some decisions that they regret, but what he did wasn't your fault. Just because you are vulnerable does not mean that guys can do what they want to you. Since you can't talk to your mom, talk to a rape crisis counselor in your area or at the very least a school counselor. They will know better than anyone how to help you. If you keep this to yourself it will eat you from the inside out.

    Jan 11
    3 likes
  • nks025
    nks025

    be bold and tell the truth and get the criminal booked. your parents will get angry for sure but will think the best for you so please reveal the truth to them and get the burden off your head. Pray to Jesus and he will give you and your family strength

    Jan 11
    3 likes
  • DawnJade
    DawnJade

    It most definitely wasn't your fault, you were raped. If your upset, you should see your school/local counselor. They're trained to deal with these things, and it can help. If you want to, you could also tell your parents or the police. Your parents might ban you from further parties, but it's better than letting the painful memories build up inside you . I hope everything goes well and that I've helped, and i wish you all the best.

    Jan 10
    2 likes
  • karolinapaigexx
    karolinapaigexx

    no he wasn't passed out it was me, he was asleep due to the drugs before I had gone in but friend T asked me to make sure nothing else happened to him, he had only had a few beers apparently according to my bestfriend so he wasn't drunk either just the drugs affected him. I had clothes on when I went in fully dressed i Do remember that much

    Jan 6
    1 like
  • zken
    zken

    First hun any kkind of sex without consent is rape,or sexual assault.It is never the females fault had you gone in there naked you still have rights.you would have been guilty of bad decision making.You daont say how old this rapist was probally around your age im guessing,in which case with all the booze and drugs you say he had taken,and already passed out id be very surprised that he got it up once let alone 3 times.........sounds like ego to me............was any of this your fault NO...........end off

    Jan 6
    2 likes