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My Vacation (will Only Make Sense If You Read My Other Stories)

so this is something i havent done in about 2 years.
last week i was in the beautiful punta cana dominican republic. my family and i and my sisters boyfriend stayed at an all inclusive resort. absolutely gorgeous.
so one night, we were at the bar. parents nowhere to be found of course, emily (sister)and gunther(her boyfriend) and jimmy (brother) and me were all just doing some friendly drinking. i had no intention of meeting or hooking up with any guys that night or that week at all. Although I do secretly have a crush on men with darker skin (idk im pale it doesnt make sense). So my wiseass sister runs up to this guy and says 'omg you look JUST like my friend andrew, katie doesnt he look just like andrew?!?!' and he literally was the exact resemblance of our friend andrew from home who just so happens to be drop dead gorgeous. So he starts talking to me and were just laughing and stuff and im kind of drunk (speaking russian and english at the same time too) and asks to go for a walk on the beach. Seemed innocent and harmless so i went with him after taking two shots together (stupid) so we get to the beach start making out and i was enjoying myself i could remember. then he asks to have sex and i had the straightest most serious face and said no and he kept asking why why and i told him i really just didnt want to so then he went back to being nice was even drunkly saying 'i love you' and then i ending up giving him oral.
So at the time obviously because i was drunk i was enjoying it but the minute he was on top of me and asked to have sex i immediately thought of my rapist , 5 years ago me being in that shed. I was so drunk why did i have the time to think of that but not time to think oh maybe i should say no to this walk on the beach. Oral sex is no big deal because i know im in control of everything thats going on. But sex , no absolutely not. I hadnt given oral sex in two years, I did feel kind of gross afterwards but only since i didnt know him. I just hate feeling like ill never be able to have sex again. Obviously if i wasnt raped it wouldnt be a good idea to have sex with the guy from vacation anyways but the fact that thats the reason why i didnt makes me so so so mad. If i made this guy seem like a douchebag that was not my intention for this story, he was a nice foreign guy who was just drunk and horny and obviously so was I , everything was consensual. My point for this story is im worried ill never be able to have sex again.
katie134 katie134 18-21, F 2 Responses Jan 23, 2013

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Maybe you need to get in a proper relationship, one where the guy isn't going to put any pressure on you to do things and let you come around in your own time. You've had a horrible thing done to you and there is nothing wrong with the way you feel but not everyone in this world is bad. Try dating someone for a while and just tell them you want to wait for sex, if they have a problem with that then they're obviously not the right guy for you.

You will have to have trust in the guy, that he will respect you and the fact that you are really I. Controll.