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Sometimes I Can't Believe It Actually Happened.

I have my rape story up here on another group, but I don't go into the confusion of my virginity on that.
I was raped when I was thirteen, and long story short not many people know.
But since then I've never had a boyfriend, I've never been kissed, I've never had sex, etc.
So when my friends are talking about virginity and not having that romantic intimacy with someone yet, I don't know where I stand. In the carnal sense of the word, I'm not a virgin because I've had another mans penis in my vagina.
But in another sense of the word, I'm so inexperienced. I've never had sex that was consensual, I've never kissed anyone, doesn't that make me a virgin?

I'm so confused with this, and I'm angry as well.
How could someone do something so disgusting and horrifying as rape an innocent girl, to leave her with these thoughts and confusions.

I'm so afraid of intimacy, especially with men. When my gay guy friend puts his hand on my knee I shrink back, and I KNOW he's not going to make a move...

I feel like so much of my life has been thrown into this big pot of fear, and I can't talk about, or try to experience anything without being afraid of so much.

I just wish it never happened.

I wish I could have grown up as a normal kid, and now that I'm an adult I'm realizing that I'll never get that part of my life back. I'll never get to have a happy carefree childhood, because not only was I raped, but I was abused as a kid as well.

I'm jealous of so many people because they grew up normal.

Why me?
handsheldhigh handsheldhigh 18-21, F 7 Responses Jan 28, 2013

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Honey, I know this experience has scared you. It scared me, but no man has the right to rape. No man has the right to take what many wish to save for someone special.

virginity is when you want to have a sexual connection with that person willingly not at force is what we call today rape. But your a virgin and don't let anyone tell you any different ok.

You are a virgin!

Girl i was raped when i was 9 yrs old i even ended up pregnant! but i lost my unborn child of 4 months....i lasted yrs without not lettin NO ONE touchin or really gettin near me... you can move on... i did! i got help when i was 14 yrs old.. Now im 22.. & happy wit my life...

I am sorry your life was cr4p in your youth and that this dirty man destroyed your future. this might not be the right thing to say but when it comes the time to die would you really want to die knowing the only person who had- as you put it had his penis inside of you was that sick perverted man wouldn't you rather die knowing the last man you made love to really loved you very much..i am trying to give you food of thought but that was a terrible crime which has scarred you for life it will always be there in the back of your mind but you really need to start trusting someone again or you will never have the life you so rightly deserve goodluck to you in life rob...

You are still a virgin. I am glad that you are not having sex with people and waiting for the right guy.

That rape experience was an unnatural account of how a relationship with sex should be. That is why your brain blocks out such a disgusting crime he did to you. And hence he is disgusting and not yourself... idk if that made sense or not.

This physical virgin and psychological virgin is even then a poor distinction because the hymen may heal which is indicative of being a virgin. So its important to understand the circumstances. You are still a normal girl, in fact probably more modest because now a days girls are losing their virginity when they are too young.

She also could have the Hymen put back together with surgery, and about the hymen healing it looks like that mostly heals after if the woman doesn't have alot of sex or any. A good example would be from this story.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_log_does_it_take_for_your_hymen_to_repair

I'm sorry and feel for your situation, but about the virgin thing your still a virgin just not a physical one. Psychological your still a virgin"Psychological Virgin", it's similar to how a woman can be an anal virgin but not be a viginal virgin.

Hope this helps.