I Didn'T Accept That It Was Real Until Someone Else Told Me It Was.
i was 15 at a party with people much older than me. like 25-30 i had drank about 3 times before this and two guys at the party specifically kept giving me smirnoff ices and telling me i had to chug them and playing flip cup but filling my cup with mixed drinks with lots of liquor. i ended up getting wasted and my friends i came with left me there because they didn't want to get in trouble for me being drunk. i don't remember a lot but i do remember falling and hurting my knees on the concrete floor. i remember one of the guys carrying me outside and helping me undo my jeans to pee. i remember saying i didn't feel good and wanted to sleep and that's about it. i woke up and one of the guys was on top of me and the other was videotaping it on his phone. i couldn't move or scream i was crying but i don't think i was making noise. i just remember getting the word no out a few times and then he just shoved his tongue down my throat until i blacked out again. the next day my cousin picked me up and i told him what happened and he told me those guys were notorious for taking advantage of girls and that i had asked for it by getting so drunk. i convinced myself it was my fault and started accepting that it was my fault and it made me hate myself. i lost most of my friends stopped eating and stopped being happy or funny. i eventually developed a drinking problem and at 19 almost died of alcohol poisoning. i ended up in counseling and when i told my therapist my story she told me it wasn't my fault and that i was raped. once i accepted that i had been the victim of a crime i was able to move on with my life and even met someone who supports me in everything i do. I hope by hearing this maybe someone will be able to accept that it is never your fault.