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I Didn'T Accept That It Was Real Until Someone Else Told Me It Was.

i was 15 at a party with people much older than me. like 25-30 i had drank about 3 times before this and two guys at the party specifically kept giving me smirnoff ices and telling me i had to chug them and playing flip cup but filling my cup with mixed drinks with lots of liquor. i ended up getting wasted and my friends i came with left me there because they didn't want to get in trouble for me being drunk. i don't remember a lot but i do remember falling and hurting my knees on the concrete floor. i remember one of the guys carrying me outside and helping me undo my jeans to pee. i remember saying i didn't feel good and wanted to sleep and that's about it. i woke up and one of the guys was on top of me and the other was videotaping it on his phone. i couldn't move or scream i was crying but i don't think i was making noise. i just remember getting the word no out a few times and then he just shoved his tongue down my throat until i blacked out again. the next day my cousin picked me up and i told him what happened and he told me those guys were notorious for taking advantage of girls and that i had asked for it by getting so drunk. i convinced myself it was my fault and started accepting that it was my fault and it made me hate myself. i lost most of my friends stopped eating and stopped being happy or funny. i eventually developed a drinking problem and at 19 almost died of alcohol poisoning. i ended up in counseling and when i told my therapist my story she told me it wasn't my fault and that i was raped. once i accepted that i had been the victim of a crime i was able to move on with my life and even met someone who supports me in everything i do. I hope by hearing this maybe someone will be able to accept that it is never your fault.
alicecheshire alicecheshire 18-21 4 Responses Jan 30, 2013

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Your cousin is dead wrong....it WAS NOT your fault....I hate it when people blame the victims, when they should be there to help....Thankyou for being brave enough to go to counseling...I had a friend in high school who was raped, she never did get counseling...she committed suicide 2 years ago..I didn't know she had been raped until I read her journal....I wish I could help her.....stay strong

Yes, it was never your fault. And you are doing great by letting a lot of other vulnerable young girls that this could happen to them too.

you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. cant tell you to get over it cause its not something that can be forgotten easily.

i can only hope that the incident does not make you lose your trust in men.

Everything does not last, the good and the bad things in life. Eventually i am sure, you will find the peace from your mental torment, no matter the time.

take care

Your friends leaving you there was wrong, your cousin blaming you was wrong. You are so brave and strong for getting help, and telling someone. It takes time but it does get better, keep your head up.

thank you, it's hard but everyday makes me stronger and every bit of support helps!

If you ever need someone to listen let me know.