Dumb Little GirlI'm not sure this actually qualifies as rape, but I decided to put my story here to share with you all. This experience, while scary and painful at first, hasn't devastated my life, nor does it haunt me. But this experience has taught me to use better judgement. Here's my story:
The year was 2003. I had just graduated High School and was preparing to enter into Boot Camp in a couple of months.
Sometimes, for fun, being boy-crazy little teens, my sister and I would chat with boys on Yahoo Messenger. One day, I started chatting with a guy named Chris. He was a little older than I was. He seemed sweet. We would chat for hours until finally we exchanged numbers. We realized we didn't live that far apart, so we finally arranged to meet.
The next few days until the weekend seemed to drag on forever. I was excited to meet this guy. In my young, naive mind, I felt we had a connection.
It was the day of the date, and my nerves were shot with anticipation. I probably changed my clothes 10 times, and took my time with my makeup.
Finally, he arrived. I hopped into his SUV, and off we went. He told me he had beers in a hotel room if I wanted to go drink. He explained he'd gotten the hotel room so he wouldn't have to drive all the way back home that night. That sounded good enough for my young ears, so we headed to the hotel.
When we got there, we sat on the bed, drinking and talking. I was having a nice time getting to know Chris in person. Suddenly he was kissing me, but I liked making out, so I kissed him back. Then he was laying me back on the bed, and I hesitated. He broke the kiss to comfort me, telling me he only wanted us to get comfortable. We continued to make out. His hand went to my pants buttons and I quickly sat up. I told him I couldn't do this because I wasn't ready. I told him I was a virgin.
He told me I knew what was going to happen when I agreed to go to the hotel with him. He told me he knew I wanted it. He laid me back And proceeded to unbutton and unzip my pants. He lowered my panties and entered me. I didn't fight. I didn't yell. I felt pain, but I just laid there, waiting for it to be over. I didn't even cry until later. I was mad at myself for leading him on, although unintentional.
When he was done, he stood up, and started putting his pants back on. He told me I should get dressed also. He told me it was great, and we should do it again. I said nothing. He acted as if nothing had happened. He made small talk on the way home. I don't even remember what it was about.
He pulled into my driveway and kissed my cheek, still as though nothing had happened. He said goodnight and we parted ways.
When I finally stepped into my house I took a hot shower. In front of my sister, I acted like I'd had a pleasant evening. I was scared to say anything. I was scared I'd get into trouble. I just carried on with life as usual.
As I said in my intro, I'm not sure this is rape. I said no, but I didn't fight him. I led him on. I don't even think he realizes how bad he hurt me that night. He even called a few times, but I ignored the calls.
Initially I hated myself. I was picking fights with my sister. I slept all day. I was miserable. Until I woke up one day and realized that wasn't how I wanted to live. Instead of letting it rule my life, I just started using better judgement. I won't let this experience scare me from living life. I will not blame the entire male population for a stupid decision I made.
I finally did tell my family what happened to me. They were supportive. It helped that they didn't treat me any differently. I'm just glad I could use this experience to learn and grow, instead of hiding inside myself. And I hope this story can help someone.