The Deepest Sadness a Man Can Know

My life story is a fairly ordinary one. I grew up in an ordinary suburban home was sexually abused by the boy across the, road fought with my emotionally distant father constantly, did not get on with my little brother and loved my mother to death. When she died I was 19 so I joined the air force in the hope of better things and left home for good. I never saw my brother again and my father when I do call him just wants to talk about his new car so I usually just check to see if he is still alive every 3-5 years.

Well my air force career crashed after 9 years thanks partly to my dislike of authority and partly because of gov cutbacks, So I wondered around in the wilderness for nearly 10 years trying to find a place where I belong. I finally met a girl who I thought would be my life long companion and we got married about three years ago. However when happiness seemed assured god came along and kicked me in the nuts again. She miscarried about 12 months into the relationship and she had to go home to Japan for a few months. After she came back she fell pregnant again and that went wrong too. But this time she went passed the first trimester and she miscarried in hospital. I was with her when it happened. She was in so much pain that the drugs did not work. I watched her give birth to my son and I watched him die in her arms. That sent her over the edge and I had to send her home to her family in Japan for the last time. Now I sit in an empty house much older and very alone. I am trying to finish my eng degree but it is difficult to find the drive. Then after that I don't know what. I doubt that there is much more the world can do to me the only thing left is my life. If that bastard God takes it as well I would like the chance to kick him in the nuts before he sends me to that other place. After watching my mother die and my grand parents die I did not know that there were worse feelings in this world but I found them and they will not go away.

ShatteredLife ShatteredLife
41-45
1 Response Mar 26, 2009

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