Into The WestI just watched (for the umpteenth time) LotR, The Return of the King. I have read the book a gazillion times, since school days, before the movies came out, and even in between that. And it always saddens me to read it. More so, to watch the movie where it comes to life before my eyes. It makes me sad because in the back of faeriehead, it keeps whispering to me, "It's the end. It's the end. There will be no more".
My problem with detachment is clearly evident, even in books and movies. Once I get hooked on something, there seems to be no letting go.
I'd kick it.
And I can never seem to find the right way. The more I try, the more I hold on to it.
Such is the grasp of faerie fingers.
“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep...that have taken hold". ~Frodo
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Return Of The King
And here I realized where my problem lies. It is not about attaching myself to such things, or such people... it is about wanting to go back... have things as they used to be, especially when we don't feel the hurt.
This is where we get lost. Going back and forth.
This is where I keep getting lost.
There really is no going back. Even if you start off again in the same place, life will not be as how it used to be. We may retrace our steps, especially if things have gone wrong, but ourselves alone is already different as soon as we choose to retrace. All the events that have happened, all the emotions that have been involved... picking up the pieces only means to look back... never did it mean to live it again.
I am here where I am meant to be... for now. As I let time mend whatever hurts that can be mended. And leave the other hurts take hold of me, to let my heart understand more, to let my soul find its way... until such time comes, when the faerie, like Frodo, is ready to sail out into the west.