Who Am I?

Im 33 I lost my job and im single. What a way to start this story huh. When i was younger I was the life of the party every one wanted to be my friend and I was outgoing we partied every weekend and I lived laughed and loved as the song says but never took anything seriously therefore i never felt stress either. I was a big man as i still am I weighed 300+ pounds but was always athletic I could move like a small man. but somewhere along the way i stopped seeing my friends and stopped going out. I guess i sort of crawled into myself and i dont no if i would say i was depressed or not but when i say it out loud thats what it sounds like. I feel ashamed sometimes about it because i see no reason for it there are people out there that have real sincere problems and i dont see my problems as worthy of depression. but never the less i find myself now wanting a significant other and maybe even a family. i gues im just saying i dont know who I am anymore. what happened to the guy that was afraid of nothing or anyone? The guy that everybody loved and looked up to? I am trying to find him and essentially start my life over again. I thank you all for the help as this website acts as a sort of therapy for me reading everyone elses experiences and sharing a few of my own.
irvinebrown78 irvinebrown78
31-35, M
6 Responses Mar 11, 2012

I don't think you lost yourself, you just became someone different. I think we all become different people throughout our lives. We change. We have experiences that change us. We fall into new and different roles. But if you don't like this guy who you've become you must work on changing. How do you do this? You focus on the input. You surround yourself with the type of person you want to become, and like osmosis you will absorb it. When people isolate themselves they are getting no input. They become dull. The human mind needs constant stimulation, it needs to be fed. Feed it the things you want to become. Simple as that. You will be fine. You just need the fuel to be you.

Hello. I can totally identify with what you have shared and can tell you I am in the same boat. I lost myself somewhere along the way and remember a ghost of the person I used to be. Am trying very hard to get back to the real me but it is more difficult than I imagined, mainly due to all the damage i did to myself putting up all these walls. I am chipping away at them and one day will be free. I wish you all the luck. I hope you are stronger than me.

Your response made me sad. I think you are just experiencing life. The human being is not made of rubber. We are little science experiments running around. And life affects us. It changes us. My sister has had an amazingly blessed life, full of love and laughter. As a result she is a beaming ray of light. I, on the other hand, have had a plethora of heartbreaks, let downs, upsets, betrayals. As a result I am guarded and have trust issues. How do we beat life? Well, we just have to. Sometimes when life robs you, you just rob it back. Don't let it beat you! How? You hold onto hope. You keep loving people, you believe in happy endings, and refuse to stop, you don't give up, you keep on pushing, you rise above, you show the damn world that you are resilient and powerful. You are full of light and love and you have enough love for the whole damn world. And you do. You just don't realize it. You are so much stronger than you know. ;)

look your life is better at least you don't hurt people that you love like me... they all outsite there you just need to out and do the same things again like before... being a single it doesn't mean you going to be death without partner in life but start everything's as a friends first.. don't become like me i choose a man to be my hubby.. i got married when i was 16 years old and carry a baby in my stomach at the age... been together for the last 10 years he beat me up,kick,until he make my head break for nothing.. look don't end your life just like that.stand up don't care about your 300 pounds put that things a side.think about what you need to do for yourself.what you need to gain in the future.. i make suicide two times in my life.god never take me I'm still alive till now.when we separated my hubby took the two kids away from me.im crying every nite for the kids and now also i don't know where the kid is.trust me god always in you just go outside there and stand for yourself if not no body will do that for you.noel caine malaysia

I think that everyone goes through this in their life..people think they are on the right path and then they lose their way, it's just a natural cycle of life. Don't ever think your problems are stupid though because if you think they are problems they obviously mean something to you, so don't ever sell yourself short there :) Life will come back around for you one day, just keep your head held high and find that outgoing fun loving you that you once were :) When you do the things in life you love, the one that you will fall in love with will come along! You just never know when and where life will lead you to where you are supposed to be :) If you ever need to talk just send me a message! I hope this helped!

Ihope you find the happiness you seek ..Hugs and prayers

::hugs:: Heres something that may or may not help. From someone who "has something to be depressed about"... Depression isn't always about having something to be depressed about... sometimes its just depression. The happiest of people get it... Don't ever think of yourself as not having a legit excuse, or thinking that you have no right to have something you have no control over. If you ever need to talk or shoot the S*&t.. im here.

Thanks a lot that does mean alot even from someone you just met.. ; )

Sometimes it means even more, when its outside help, and sincere.