Too Young.

I was in eighth grade when I started dating my best friend. But the fact of age, looking back now, ruined it. The fact of age still ruins it, since we're only one year older almost two now. Now I don't want you to think he is a jerk or anything from this because he is far from that. We're young so peer pressure got to him in some parts. But he is by far the sweetest person I've ever met. Just the way things turned out and the choices made it seem so bad. We were considered “the perfect couple.” Until things just got too steamy. We wanted to experience the other side of “love”, the physical part. We never had intercourse (thank god). But we did end up messing around. And with myself being raised by a perfect working Christian family, it got to me. To then later find out, it is considered oral sex even if you don't have intercourse. This is of course a sin. I then fell into a depression. With the cutting, constant crying, and spacing away from close people. I never thought with myself doing this it would've put a huge impact on him either. But we were “in love”. Things slowly fell apart. Finding out he started smoking, drinking and doing other drugs made it even worse on me. I broke it off for about a week, but we eventually went back out again. Him then promising me to stop smoking. I believed it; had my suspicions of course but always ended up trusting him. A couple months more passed by and it came down to the conclusion that all I wanted to do was fight. One of his close friends told me during school he was trying to buy pot off of him and without a word I told him we were done. A week or two later I of course missed him. And wanted to get back together. Unfortunately, he wanted to “take a break” from dating. I then became suicidal finding out over time that during the one week we broke up he messed around with one of his friend’s sister, and was actually smoking behind my back while we were dating. He then never wanted to talk to me either. Never texted me, called, IM, nothing. It's just like I had dropped off the face of the earth to him. As 7months went by I started picking up the pieces again. I had the feeling of moving on, and oh lord did it feel amazing. Sadly he then started texting me again wanting to talk. I chose the unfortunate path again and we started dating again. Bringing back the old feelings was great but also the questions and the pain from before came too. Making the new relationship hard to keep. Because one analogy has stuck with me like no other, “It's like trying to put smoke back into a cigarette.” Recently we broke up after I found out he had sex with “the school *****”. He ratted himself out accidently on a joke he was telling me. Thinking I already knew about it. Things now have just never been the same. We dated again after we broke up. I began to do things I never thought I'd do, like cheating, drinking and smoking more. We've just never been on the same page since. And now we're both starting to move on now. But I don’t know if this is what I really want now. If I really want to leave all of this behind again, and leave. The feeling of being complete without him was nice, I admit. But it's nothing to compare when I am with him. I just want him to be happy, and I want to stop feeling like my life is meaningless. I love him.

I love him.

i love you 3
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18-21, F
2 Responses May 20, 2012

maybe you can find another love

Sad to say but it reallly souns likeit is over between you two. I t was great while it lasted but the two have drifted apart. He has changed and it sounds almost impossible that that yo can have what you had before. Sorry but you have to on. Good Luck in your future