Looking Back...

I think i finally realize how i react to pain: I cover it up.like it never happened.I move on, I forget about it.but when I look back, it's still there.. It never really goes away. And I go on with life too quickly.. I don't mourn my losses.. I don't shed my tears.. I don't Cry... And maybe, Hopefully, if I regain that 'Feeling' than maybe I can Finally regain myself.. But how do you regain what was stolen from you? My whole life, I've been... Lost, and on top of that, abused.. And the worst part is that I've felt self-hatred for feeling lost in the first place.. It's like as if I was built on this "Strength" to last me through my childhood. So I could make it.. But only for my childhood..No one told me I didn't deserve abuse.. No one told me it was okay to cry.. And now that I think about it, with tears in my eyes, I may have lost myself in those moments, I HAD to grow up. I HAD to be strong, and stay strong... But now, I think I should just try to find myself even if I'm in darkness... Because if I can find myself, I don't have to force myself to be strong. Because I'll already be strong in knowing who I am.