Have I Entertained Myself Into Depression?

I saw a diagram a few months ago, entitled "This is Why You're Depressed." It showed the cycles that many of us live: Work, TV, Bed. For some of us, it's not TV. It's reading, movies, social networks or some other form of passive entertainment. With the addition of regular life tasks such as cooking, cleaning, bill-paying, doctors appointments...It's easy to see where some depression comes from.

I know that sometimes I'm left with what feels like a giant empty place. I know that sometimes I'm left thinking, "Is this all there is?" And the more I think on it, the more I realize that this ISN'T all there is. This is just what I have chosen.

I grew up sort of raising myself. When all the life skills were being passed around, I was alone in my bedroom reading. As an adult, sometimes I feel like I've missed out on knowledge and skills, and am so far behind everyone that I'll never catch up. I can only say that I've let that cause me so many problems. I'm ashamed of how many. But why? Why have I sat around and not taken action? Because I listen to people say that one has to be born with talents? Because I listen to people say adults can't learn as easily? I can only blame my childhood, my fears, my insecurities and my embarrassment so much. After awhile, it is what it is. Excuses to not live. Excuses to not experience. Excuses to stay on the cycle of passive entertainment.

How many of us want to be a better person, a better parent, a better spouse? Something more than what we are? There's never any time, is there? Never enough money or energy. I've wondered for years why I have less energy than everyone else. Could it be because I don't physically NEED any more energy? Because I'm too busy being entertained?

These are my thoughts. This is my personal revolution. This is what I need to change. And someday, somewhere, I will find myself along the way.
ThatsJustMarvelous ThatsJustMarvelous
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 14, 2012

Sometimes I think it's a catch 22. I need to be inspired to do things, but the only way to get that inspiration is to get out there and do (active) things. I agree with about the passive entertainment. It's a good diversion, but it really doesn't get you anything.

I notice that all those things - "life things" - just drain me of energy too. I read a sign not long ago: Do more of what makes you feel good. And I realized I don't, I just do what one is "supposed" to do. And when I thought about it I realized I have a hard time coming up with things that do make me feel good, and the things I do come up with seem trivial, unnecessary, silly. But my therapist says one has to fill ones every day with some pleasure, whatever that means to you. So I made a decision, and have tried lately to make room for those things. Cause what is life worth without pleasure?