Never Have Figured Out Who I Am

I have tried to be what others want my entire life and now that I near middle age I realize that I have never really found who I am. I keep telling people that I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up (I'm 36, been grown for a while). I love being a mother to my 3 daughters but don't want that to be all of who I am because soon they'll be grown and finding who they are. I work a dead end part time job because I feel that I am not qualified for anything else. There are some things that I would like to try but I have no money to do them. I don't have any friends and have no idea how to make any at this point. I don't know what to do or how to change this.
angrytp angrytp
36-40, F
3 Responses Jan 14, 2013

This is a very common feeling amongst mother's who have sacrificed their own careeas to take care of their children. It's never too late to do what you have a passion for in life. Think about what truly makes you happy, something you would almost do for free. Alot of people your age are back in college. You can go to a community college ( they are cheaper online schools are expensive) and apply for finical aid and stafford loans, since you have 3 dependents you should have no problem qualifing. You can go to school part time that's usally 2 classes. most schools have a great schedule to accomidate working parents. Don't give up on yourself or your dreams, make yourself happy.

Thanks for the support. I actually have my BA but it doesn't seem to have helped me. Still paying off that debt very slowly! I actually have thought about going back to school but cringe at adding to my $30k of college debt I already have, plus my husband's $20k on top of that! My problem is that I don't know what my dreams are. My hobbies are more like habits and I really don't know what I'd be interested in that would be a marketable skill as far as a job skill. :/

You've taken a good first step. EP has been, for me, an avenue of self-discovery and a place to meet some incredible people and make new friends. You're not alone in feeling like you don't know who you are...there's a lot of us here. I wish you the best, enjoy the journey.

Thank you so much for the encouragement!

Being here on EP for awhile now... I see us all as lost at one time or another...I feel as you too... and I'm past middle the point is, every single soul out here in the world comes to a point that they ask... wth.. who am I? After they question their self... the answers start appearing. Sooo... enjoy this discovery of yourself. Have a good day.

I have never had it put to me that way. Thank you. I guess I have started that journey in some small superficial ways by changing haircolor (pink highlights! which I would have never done before this) and artwork on my fingernails. I know just silly things but they could be the start of something great! You have lifted my spirits.