I Just Dont Know
My life is an endless search for answers to questions that can never be understood nor solved. Since childhood I've always been too full of thoughts for my own good. I graduated high school when I was 16. I couldn't wait to grow up and be independent. I moved out at 16 and have been on my own with a house, car, and steady job ever since. Relationships come and go. Time passes. But through it all I feel I have not experienced any of it. So lost in my own mind the moments in time are flying by without my knowledge or intervention. Simply event after event that I calmly observe from the eyes of a soulless ponderer. Death takes up about 90% of my thoughts with the remaining 10% fully engaged in an empathic hamster wheel of emotion for those I never will know. Being such an empath I worry all the time, but never about myself. All I want is to be free of this mental anguish. To drift back into my body and take charge of my life for the first time. No more autopilot. No longer will I be a robot.