"When You Wear A Mask For So Long, You Forget Who You Were Beneath It."

it all started back in 5th grade. I don't know what exactly happened the summer after 4th grade, but I became shy and quiet. it never used to bother me as much as it does now. I'm just like a different person in school and I hate it. I'm myself at home but around people in school and the surroundings I really just can't. I try to be myself and I can't. everyone thinks I'm shy and quiet and I'm really not. When people say I'm quiet or shy it really gets to me. because I hate how I act like that. I feel like I've been like a different person for so long and hiding the real me that I've lost who I really am and I'm scared there's no hope on getting her back. I try and act like myself but I can't and its hard. It makes me depressed and overwhelmingly sad. I always cry when I start to talk about it to my friend or a teacher because its such a soft subject and emotional for me. I really just want to be myself in school and laugh loudly and be weird. My voice is like just quiet in school and I just can't like be myself and loud no matter how hard I try. I feel like its not my place and its not comfortable. I want to so badly be who I am on school. I used to be as a kid but it all just stopped in 5th grade. I'm in 8th now. I used to talk to a lot of people and now I'm just lonely and don't really talk to anyone. I used to have more friends then I do now which makes me even more sad. I used to be popular too and it just went and is going downhill. my English teacher recently pulled me aside before class and said "are you okay." and I said "with what?" I said and she said "just with you." And the tears came to my eyes as they always do when I talk about it and she said "no. You aren't." And so she scheduled me an appointment at guidance and honestly she is my all time favorite teacher. It's like she threw me a life line. This may be confusing I understand I just kind of typed whatever came to mind and its hard to describe the feelings I have but..yeah. I hope change is around the corner
Bellabooo Bellabooo
13-15, F
2 Responses Feb 20, 2013

I've never experienced this before in my life but, girl, I can relate to everything you've said. You're so well spoken and interpretive. Just know that you aren't the only one in the world who has faced this mountain, there are others summitting it with you. From a 24 year old woman, thank you, and I'm with you!

thank you :) but how can you relate to everything I said but not experience it?

The hardest thing to deal with when growing up is really understand and accepting who you are. But trust me, things will get better! Feel free to send me a message if you ever what to chat about this stuff with a friendly stranger :)