I've lost me, my quality of life, gone and missing. I seem to go and go and go and it's just the motions without emotion. I work all day and seem mostly invisible, I go to class and participate and laugh with a few friends but they don't really know me. They don't know that I'm struggling or crying in the car or on the verge of death each and every day... and I won't tell them. It's not their problem, it's mine.
It's funny but when I took on the PT weekend job they said they needed someone spunky and outgoing and I said but of course that's me... and it was at one point. I mean I am there... I talk to all the customers, help out, climb up and down ladders getting whatever it is they need and always with a smile. I find a way to relate to each and every person in that place and make them feel like they are the only person I will speak to that day.... and then I get back in my car and the tears just flow.
I don't know when it went wrong? When it was that I became a robot... but that's exactly what I am.
I see that little mouse in wheel going round and round and getting no where. *heavy sigh*