Where Did I Go Wrong

when i was little i could never call out mom or dad. i was always alone locked in a room with no one around. taken away from my parents and children services never got involved so no one ever came to see how i was doing. i lived with family yet to me they were strangers. the destroyed my childhood. bouncing from house to house for months. i lived in an abandoned house for 3 months before anyone even found me my sister and my niece. i was beaten and abused mentally physically and emotionally. i had nothing. i remember on thanksgiving day i was thrown out of the house and told i wasnt wanted as if i didnt know that already. wearing hand-me-downs going to school trying to hide all the bruises because i was told they would do to me worse in the system then what they were doing to me already. i was only in the 3rd grade when this all started.

as the years went by i never got letters from my parents and when i would sneak to try to write them it was like everyone in the house would be against me. they tried to tell my the beatings were in my head and that i was the one hurting myself. the first and last time i tried to write my mom about what was going on i got a dresser thrown on top of me and knocked out for a couple of hours. no one ever knew what was going on. i blamed myself. it was my own grandmother who was doing this to me. i was named after her and til this day i dont answer to my name. i miss who i couldve been.

my mom came out of jail 5 years later. i didnt even know who she was. all i knew was she was there to take me away and that i wouldnt get hurt again. a couple of months after that in her home i was raped. couple moths after that in her home i had a gun to my head. i started to inflict pain upon myself because i felt like i missed it. i was already dead when my mom came back for me. til this day when people speak somethings just dont connect right like i cant understand what they are saying to me. i am dead on the inside. i have never been able to hold a relationship. i cant think right. part of my mind is still that of a 3rd grader. i cant even tell time on a clock. im not right. i lost myself nd have nothing no one but my computer and the words that come out of it. WHO AM I?

sprungstud sprungstud
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 2, 2010

WOW, that is intense! <br />
<br />
My heart goes out to you,<br />
<br />
Please pm me to talk!