Time To Let Go Completely Now.

This is sad but true.

I found ep. because i googled suicide.

I made a confession.Has anyone ever lost a love to suicide?

Not much response,but no matter,I found my way and enjoy ep greatly for the fun,friends,music,laughter,sharing of thoughts etc.

Just now six months have past since a beautiful,but tortured man that I loved put a gun in his mouth, never to speak on earth again.

This was the last thing he wrote.

It is sad and dark,but deserves to be said.

Yes he cheated on me, and I forgave but he could not forgive himself and 4 days after he wrote this....he was gone.

A am a strong woman,at peace, and happy, for the most part....so here it is.



                                  A work in Progress 

Sometimes I wish I couldn't feel.Be so easy if nothing was real.If my heart didn't ache.If my body didn't quake.

I yearn for the state where there is no seeing the trespasses of man or woman.


I want to be dumb form the atrocities numb from the hypocrises of my own being.I envy the blind man unseeing of what takes place

within the human race.

We are all sinners' lovers' haters' murderous jealous killers.

I yearn for my own salvation from my own thoughts,temptations.

lecherous kindhearted decietful creatures of beautiful light

capable of darkness of the deepest night.


Still I wish I couldn't feel.

Numbness makes it all unreal.

But still my greedy unending hunger

will take my appetite will unshaken...

able to refrain but why restrain it's so easy


Why was i such a fool?

Afraid,lying in a pool f my own betrayal.

Drowning  enveloped by the choking

of the stones I have thrown.


Goodbye Jeff.


If someone takes their life...DO NOT blame yourself....I don't.

Thank you for reading and be good to yourselves please. : )

beachykeen beachykeen
51-55, F
17 Responses Feb 27, 2010

Thanks so much alvin521. That is very nice of you to say.I look forward to getting to know you better.

I was going to say the same as Unshakable, I also admire you for your courage ,and I am pleased you added me as a friend.. Thank you.

Thank you unshakable.<br />
I am an overcomer as it would appear you are very much also.

I am so sorry dear friend for your loss and i felt your pain.I admire your courage and i am glad you have overcome.

Thank you so much for such a nice response.<br />
I am at peace.

Very true we all do.<br />
"Wonders what you are playing."

Thank you very much for your comments MusicMouse.<br />
I am at a good place emtionally now.<br />
Sorry for your loss,think had to have been awful.

fieryheart I am sorry for your loss.I came to find out that once the suicidide thoughts come and you keep dwelling and obsessing about them ,they take over like an addiction and the only fix is end game.<br />
That is over simplifying.<br />
I do hope you are at peace and enjoy life.I am sure she would have wanted nothing less for you.I

This is very true ocean1 He was very tortured and just could not work through his past pains.<br />
I have always worked hard to do this, in whatever why I can.It makes me want to all the more now.

Thank you BBuds. It is very cathartic to do so.

Suicide is painful - not to the one who dies but for the ones still living. <br />
My sister topped herself. They say she was mentally ill - but that makes it no easier to know that a person you loved felt that life would be better without them. <br />
It is challenge enough to take responsibility for your own actions - you're not responsible for what others do.

whatever drove him to take his own life must be much deeper than anyone can know.all you can be sure of is that he wanted you to move on and be strong,and to always have a place in your heart. it sounds like he was able to have that.

Good advice. Thanks for sharing.It would be difficult for me to share something like that. Stay strong!

Thank you Dragoncat. I have let it go!

My heart goes out to you, my arms encompass you. We all carry crosses that are ours to bear. I am sorry that you had to go through this my friend... my heart bleeds for you.

Thank you Denvernative.

Thank you so much for sharing your pain, your insight, and your warning to those who may feel responsible somehow for the actions of others in such obvious pain and confusion. Your strength has carried you through this, and has raised others along the way. Your friends and family are fortunate to have you in their lives.