My Parnter Died From Pancreatic Cancer

I met Jason in 2006. We met by chance and after a few initial meetings I asked him if he would want to get together at my place, watch some tv and I'd make supper and we could hang out. He took me up on the offer. We talked everyday and saw each other every occasion our schedules permitted. A year and a half later we moved in together. We literally spent every day together, except when few occasions he was in the hospital, until he died March 18, 2012. He died here at home in his bed. That in and of itself was a horrible experience to witness. I have issues with depression, anxiety, emotional cycling ups and downs. Now, I'm dealing with profound grief, sadness and loneliness. It's very difficult adjusting to life without him. I literally feel lost almost like a child feels a when they're separated in a mall from a parent. I got so used to our routine and taking care of him that now I don't know what to do with myself. It's been 7 weeks today at 5:28PM. I did contact a grief counselor and had the first meeting last week. We are going to meet weekly. I just can't go on like this anymore. The counselor suggested that I meet with a psycologist to deal with my bipolar issues. That's not an option though because I don't have health insurance and can't afford to pay for it out of pocket. She also suggested that I join a support group. That, I will do. I don't have a close family so there is no support from any of them.I do get some support from friends but that only goes so far. They have thier own lives. We'll see what happens. I'm just hurt, heart broken and sad.
Westwolf1 Westwolf1
36-40, M
1 Response May 6, 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss... *big hug* I think joining a support group is a wonderful step in the right direction. Sometimes we get more comfort from strangers who understand our pain than we do from family & friends who have no clue what we're going through. I wish you all the and prayers.

Thank you, yes, it does seem like that may be the right thing to do. Who knows, maybe I can forge a new friendship with someone in the group. Thanks, again, *hugs* to you, too :-)