I Miss Her

in November 2008 my nan had been going to the doctors for 6 months with a twisting in her side and she was losing alot of weight. she had to wait till January for a hospital appointment. the twisting sensation was caused by pancreatic cancer. they said it is the most aggressive form and is incurable. in the matter of weeks i watched my nan go from a big bubbly beautiful woman to a small frail woman that didn't seem to be there anymore. this broke my heart. my nan was like a mother to me. i was her carer.i had to change her when she soiled herself,wash her,and slowly watch her slip away. the pain she was going through must have been pure hell. they put her on morphine but it still didn't help ease her suffering. on April 17 2009 she took a dramatic turn for the worst and became completely unresponsive and confused. the last thing she said to me was "help me bab please". i know what she wanted me to do but i couldn't do it. then on April 19 i had a phone call to go to her. she was very distressed and you could tell she was going.i held her hands as she started to cough out her last breath. i held her hand and stroked her head for about a hour later.it hit me harder than anyone knows. i constantly miss her.I'm glad she isn't suffering any more but i wish i could just see her one more time.