What Hurts As Much As Losing Someone To Death....

..... is losing people important to you that are still living. failed friendships, failed love affairs, etc. i think in a way it would be easier to cope with knowing that they left you not of their choosing but that the clock of life ran out for them. but when they're still here, alive and breathing but no longer a part of your life, that can be a hard pill to swallow. maybe it's not as bad as death, which is permanent and final, but sometimes it feels like it.
jerrica jerrica
51-55, F
17 Responses Feb 1, 2011

No she has a very valid point and I have lost almost everyone I loved. I dont think its the pain of losing them, because when you die your gone and that can be easier to accept and understand than say the betrayal of a very close friend or lover. Trying to understand and grasp why and how someone so close could hurt you so bad is very hard to come to terms with sometimes. It is a different kind of pain and hurts in a different way , but hurts almost as deeply just the same.

Honestly, your wrong. I understand yeah it hurts that they are ignoring you and all. But lising someone who cares about you..that cuts deeoer than sny pain. Theres nothing NOTHING similair to it. I list the love of my life to a car a few months ago and i can tell you i would rather him be gappy here on earth then laying in a casket with a rose in it representing me. I would rather him be alive and well than buried six feet under. Even if he was to be here snd nit care about me i would still not want him dead and would still know him being alive is better. So don't think this way. Because its wrong. Someone being completely gone and someone just gone ftom your heart us way different in pain levels. Losing someone hurts more..

I have lost someone i loved very much to death which hurt a lot but after many years the acute pain in your heart eases which does not mean you have stopped loving them or missing them more then anything in the world. But on the same token I have been slowly loosing my 23 year old daughter for many years now and not to anyone or due to an illness.
We use to be very close and i love her with all my being. I adore her. and I can tell you that knowing she is so close by but hardly ever hearing from her just eats away at you, My heart actually physically hurts, my whole day every day year in year out is spend thinking about her.Wandering if she is happy, I can not find it in myself to be happy or enjoy anything.
When not at work everyday I would spend with the kids, now I cant even enjoy the other two because I feel guilty she is not with me. I hate the weekends because I know I have even more time to think of her and wander how to get through it. Even though this has been her choice and maybe even because it was her choice this has hurt me more then anything in the world. There is never any closure and you constantly ask why. with death there is not worrying about that person any more like there is with someone who is still on this planet just not with you.

i agree with you, juhaan, and i'm really sorry for your situation. i have a similiar experience with my brother and at times it bothers me more than i care to admit. there was a time that we were close, i could count in him to be in my corner but not for the last four years or so and i don't know why, he's never given me any explaination.

Hey,jerrica....how are You! Yes....I think you've touched on something here! I do think pain wares a thousand different faces......and each of us has a story.I know.....losing my mom this year,has been hard for me......cause she truly was the special woman of my heart.She was a beauty queen inside and out.....but I know she is out of her suffering! She is in a better place! Yet.it can be very painful to lose the love of your husband,wife,boyfriend,girlfriend,friends,sibblings..........anyone we love and is still here.I think there is a grieving process,that occurs....just as much,sometimes.Someone once said......We grieve along into new beginnings.

i agree with what you've said and please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother. losing a mom is very hard, i lost mine 23 years ago and while i've managed to go on with my life i still miss her to this day.

Yes! I understand you perfectly, because you are right. because it reaches the deepest part of your heart leaving you spaechless and with a pain that you could barely take

Death isnt any easier trust me. The love of my life died in Iraq. That was 8 yrs ago now but it still very much affects me. I just found out yesterday from his good friend that he had a ring on hold for me and was going to propose when he got back. A year after him my best friend died. I never got to say goodbye to either of them. My advice is to all who has lost in any form always tell that person you love them and you always will. Sometimes it's easier to get over someone when you know you told them the last thing you wanted to say. Even if they no longer love you back. My heart goes out to all and it does get easier!

i agree with you, i recently lost the love of my life to a car accident. i am sorry for your loss. i would much rather him be alive and well without me in his life than the way things are now. if you ever need someone to talk to who has pain in their hearts similar to yours i am here for you.

im still working on trying to let go of someone ive lost (my ex fiance). he's still alive, but has clearly stated his hate for me and himself. he had alot of issues that i knew of, i had thought he was dealing with them, but apparently not. it's really hard accepting that he doesn't care for me at all anymore and doesn't want to try to change things between us. but im trying to believe it's for a reason and that there's someone out there that will care about me just as much as i cared for him. i still have a long way to go with dealing with it all, but now i have more good days then bad, and that's a start. i guess you really can only take these things a day at a time.

i'm sorry that your ex treated you so badly. i agree that taking things one day at a time is the best and only thing to do.

i'm really sorry for your loss and your sons loss, tamlaw. and that's good advice you give but it's hard to talk to people who make it clear that they're not interested in what you have to say.

i wonder why they don't know? when i've ended something i've known why. what makes these people any different from me? i think most of the time we know exactly why we do something but we don't want to admit it to others for whatever reason.

Sometimes they don't know why themselves.

sounds like a lame excuse to me but i suppose some people would rather tell pretty lies instead of the ugly truth in an attempt to spare feelings. hey, i guess they deserve a few points for considering that you might have feelings, huh? most people don't give a flip if your feelings are hurt.

yes, mediocre, the whys are hard to deal with. sometimes someone ends a relationship and you don't know why.

Oh I completely agree! sometimes death seems easier, then it's clear, theres no asking "why"

be a patient? what does that mean?

be a patient

i did rethink that statement at the end of the story and you're right. sometimes there is no closure with death depending on the circumstances. but i see no chances of reconciling with the people that i lost but are still alive either.

Death does not always bring closure. I recently had a close call with the possible death of someone I care for deeply. At least in our case, death would've had no closure whatsoever, but would've assured years of guilt and remorse. As long as life is present, there is always a chance for reconciliation...death, as was stated before, is permanent. The end....finis. No more chances. I know the feelings of being without a cherished friend or lover, but please, never think that death is better.......<br />
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(((((((((((((((((((((((((Jerrica)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))<br />
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i think you're right, marji. when you lose people but not through death there is a sense of no closure as there usually is when someone dies.