I Felt So "broken In Spirit"

Hello to all of you with hearts that are hurting and feeling broken. I, myself just lost the love of my life after a 25 yr love affair. I had to watch him  slowly be taken from me. What I never could understand is why I had been chosen to experience such pain. A pastor once told me that I had been chosen to experience this amongst so many other losses in my life. I lost my son in 1992 and he was 27years old. My Mother, who was ony 58 when she had a massive heart attaack and died in my arms. Here one day...Gone the next.  Oh, the guilt and remorse that kicked in from my son and my Mother. Did I tell them I loved them enpough? Did I send my Mom a card on her last Mother's day? Christmas? did I tell my son how much I loved and adored him while he was here? The one thing I can say for my husband who died in March of this year is that I DID get to tell him the things that were important. I knew he was going to die. Does that make it easier? Somewhat. But, what I have learned in this life is that it is so important ot tell the ones you love that you love them. Take the time to send that card..or letter.  Never have to live with the Coulda, shoulda, woulda's. IF. 
Don't get me wrong, I am no super woman. Just someone who has experienced so many losses in my life. The first in 1977 when my husband committed suicide. I had 4 children, and the two youngest ages 8 mo and 1-1/2 years were symbols of love I gave him. It is been a long journey for me. And yes, after my husband died I felt so broken in spirit. What kind of glue would it take to put me back together. Poor me? No, what I have truly learned is that to grieve is to have known love. For without love, there would be no grief at all.  Does that make it better? Yes. Because so many go through their lives not knowing love and that is the saddest of all. We are all only here temporarily, and it is how we live and love in that time that matters in the end.  Then to realize that the brokenness I felt was where God wanted me to be. To truly know that it is HIS will and not MINE, be done., on earth, as it is in heaven 
Blessings to all!
gr8tfulsue gr8tfulsue
61-65, F
2 Responses Oct 15, 2011

Hello Loving<br />
Oh my goodness..Yes, you have lifted my spirits today. God does put angels in our lives when we need them most. I do believe in angels. I have had many spiritual events happen to me. One being, that I was kissed by Jesus in a dream and another time Jesus sent and angel to hug me when my purse was stolen on a cold Winter day. There were four other people there that day, and when the police came, no one saw the big man embrace me. But he did. Then was gone. Just by you sending me a message is one. Do you know, that some people can go thrpough life never having to experience grief at all? I have worked with many people that never even knew what it was like to mourn the loss of a pet or anyone close to them. So, they truly can't understand the feelings that go with someone who has suffered so many. The irony of my situation, is that I am a grief counselor, as well as a certified addictions counselor. I got lost in my grief. But yesterday I had a moment of clarity. I realized that all of this , is Gods teachings and I will be even more helpful to others. In life we learn things that one cannot learn in a class room.May God continue to Bless you and comfort you.

You know, I've experienced different kinds of losses, some the death of a loved one, some the illness of a child, some more about spiritual faith, and the questioning doubt I know well. But I have to believe that when people leave us, there must be a reason, even if we can't see that reason. And I absolutely can relate to wondering if you told them you loved them enough etc. In the end it does come down to trusting in God and His forgiveness and his Mercy etc. And no matter what we are going through, Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for they shall see God." "Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted." etc. Even in you grief, you have been a source of comfort today for me because I can see that I'm not alone in my feelings, and I'm hoping that I can bring a small measure of comfort to you in my response.