I Felt So "broken In Spirit"Hello to all of you with hearts that are hurting and feeling broken. I, myself just lost the love of my life after a 25 yr love affair. I had to watch him slowly be taken from me. What I never could understand is why I had been chosen to experience such pain. A pastor once told me that I had been chosen to experience this amongst so many other losses in my life. I lost my son in 1992 and he was 27years old. My Mother, who was ony 58 when she had a massive heart attaack and died in my arms. Here one day...Gone the next. Oh, the guilt and remorse that kicked in from my son and my Mother. Did I tell them I loved them enpough? Did I send my Mom a card on her last Mother's day? Christmas? did I tell my son how much I loved and adored him while he was here? The one thing I can say for my husband who died in March of this year is that I DID get to tell him the things that were important. I knew he was going to die. Does that make it easier? Somewhat. But, what I have learned in this life is that it is so important ot tell the ones you love that you love them. Take the time to send that card..or letter. Never have to live with the Coulda, shoulda, woulda's. IF.
Don't get me wrong, I am no super woman. Just someone who has experienced so many losses in my life. The first in 1977 when my husband committed suicide. I had 4 children, and the two youngest ages 8 mo and 1-1/2 years were symbols of love I gave him. It is been a long journey for me. And yes, after my husband died I felt so broken in spirit. What kind of glue would it take to put me back together. Poor me? No, what I have truly learned is that to grieve is to have known love. For without love, there would be no grief at all. Does that make it better? Yes. Because so many go through their lives not knowing love and that is the saddest of all. We are all only here temporarily, and it is how we live and love in that time that matters in the end. Then to realize that the brokenness I felt was where God wanted me to be. To truly know that it is HIS will and not MINE, be done., on earth, as it is in heaven
Blessings to all!
gr8tfulsue 61-65, F 2 Responses 1 Oct 15, 2011