I Almost Dont Want to Write About This

my brother died this april22nd (2008)

he was only 29 and we both went thru the foster care system- i got out when i was 12 and he "aged out" which basically means nobody ever got him out and nobody ever was allowed to adopt him. about 10 years ago he got his girlfriend pregnant-i was so happy to hear the news that i cried i was at job corps at the time. we had always talked about "when we get big" and all the plans we had about living together and being our own bosses and not having to deal with foster parents and all that good stuff.well, he didnt really have any options and he joined the navy. i was proud of him and also envied his strenth to go actually do it. cause i know if i was pregnant i wouldent want my man away from me! i figured his girl (who i met maybe twice) either thought it was a great idea or didnt want to be around him- i really didnt know. sooo, after all these years of talking about being together when he got out of fostercare he leaves right away.

i dont know why and i sorta blamed his wife being possesive... but he just drifted further and further. he was in the navy so he got to see the world and not to mention the navy sent him to texas which is across the county and DC and finally florida where he was stationed in jacksonville.there he became a christian and bought a prety nice house.

fyi he was a culinary specialist first class. that a pretty high ranking position first class. i learned alot from his supereier officer who thought he was irreplacable as a worker.she spoke highly of him. i have to say i learned more about him in florida with his boss who let me crash untilli could get home then i found out in the past  10 years. she took me to his ship and showed me his working quarters and had me meet the ppl that worked under him at a restaurant. she was an angel.

now, before he died he calle dme like a month before he died and told me he loved me. he was so proud about making first class and was bragging-my smile was so huge cause he souned so cute but at the same time a grown man (he was my lil brother) if i believed in god i would thank god for that oppertunity-i did a more realistic thing and thanked him for reaching out to me and letting me know about his progress;)

my mother is horrible. she pushed him away his whole life and all he wanted was to honor his mother and make that mother/son bond but she refused him that. i am furious with her. she is a bad mom. she favored me and treated my brother and sister like peices of crap.

whe had the balls to come to my home and say"didnt you wonder why couldent it have been your sister?" she is sooo nuts. my sister has a drug addiction but i love her anyway and no i wouldent prefer either one to die. but at least my brother found his happiness, my sister on the other hand has not found hers

this is pretty recent so all questions and comments are stronly suggested. dont pray for me... i am dealing with this on a realistic note. i am not religious i am athiest. just so you know

besides an 11 month old baby i used to babysit dying i have to say this is my biggest loss ever even more of a loss than that lil baby. i started a group  "i seen a dead baby" but havent got the heart to tell my story about that just yet because there was no closure.

me and my babybrother nicknamed lee-lee were lost souls in the system-wards of the state (in usa) he went thru group homes and as a kid he was super hyper and nobody understood him let alone deal with him. i used to visit him in the mental homes and group homes when i was a teen. he was always so happy to see me...

okay i cant go any deeper into this -this is killing me. this all happened about 3 weeks ago and no im nowhere near over it.


weareallhuman weareallhuman
5 Responses May 15, 2008

oh hey there, no, i totally understood why he went into the navy-i was proud of him when he did it (it was the right thing to do) i just didnt understand at the time how the navy life was. i didnt realize i would not see him almost never. he had alot of friends. i have none. so. i guess i dont know what else to say but thankyou for the comment.

I'm sorry for your loss. <br />
<br />
You mention not understanding why your brother would leave right away after getting out of foster care. While he may have wanted to be with you, he probably wanted to make a better life for himself, and it certainly sounds like he did. It sounds like he went off to the Navy and became everything he could be. I'm sure you're very proud of him.<br />
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Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

he was culinary specialist, and thank you for the comment.

Wow, I'm so sorry for your loss.<br />
It was great to hear he made 1st class...(is it a culinary specialist or a meal specialist? My ship had MS's, I figured that was essentially a meal-service specialist...ehhh not important!!), and from my experience, the Navy can be ****** and demeaning and aggravating. But it's also a place to have momentous friendships and irreplaceable memories.<br />
"May the wind always be at your back."

I'm so sorry<br />
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That you have been through this<br />
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My heart goes out to <br />
<br />
I will not judge.<br />
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I hope that If I can be<br />
<br />
there for you<br />
<br />
I would be honored.<br />
<br />
thinking of you,<br />
<br />