The Accident That Took You Away

The past week has been very difficult for me.I lost someone that meant the world to me,someone that loved me unconditionally,I felt like I lost my mother,my twin,my sister all in one,I lost my aunt.She was amazing,its been 11 days and I'm still not sleeping,eating or able to function for more than a few hours out of the day.The pain hurts so much until I don't want to feel anymore,the way she left hurts even more.She was 8 months pregnant and she was killed in a car accident on impact,the day she passed away,apart of me went away also.She meant the world to me,I had just talked to her the day before it all happened and she was was so excited for the new baby.She was their to always comfort me,no one else could take her place and I would never let that happen.My head is pounding,my heart is racing,some days are harder than others but I don't even feel as though I'm apart of the world anymore,I feel like I'm just living for everyone else.I'm not sure how to make it out into the world without being able to call her just to assure me that everything will be okay,we leaned on each other and she was a rock for me.I could never open up to anyone the way I did with her,because I felt like nobody else cared the way she did,no one understood the relationship we had and that's okay,because it was so special.I wish I could have convinced her to move in with me sooner than later maybe this wouldn't have happened.Crying yourself to sleep and in the shower doesn't feel good.I keep thinking it's a trick and she's going to call me and tell me how well she's doing and how she loves me.What I would do to hear her voice one more time on the phone.She believed in me like no other,she never judged me and she stood up for me and let me cry and vent to her when I needed an outlet,I could always call her just to blow off some steam,now I don't know who to talk to.I'm so lost in my own thoughts,as the days go by I feel the pain and knowing that she's not going to wake up or call me anymore hurts so bad,I don't know how to deal with that.My body aches from all the emotions going on,I feel as though I'm about to break in half.Her smile was amazing,she was always so positive about everything,she always made everyone else happy.I still can't believe it,seeing her in that casket,it's unreal.I feel as though I'm in a bad dream and I just want to wake up and call her.I don't want this feeling.I miss her so much.The hardest times are late and night when I'm alone and trying to fall asleep but my dreams become nightmares and my realities I'm not really living in it.She could count on me for anything and I felt that same way.Her laugh was like no other,she had a lot of heart and when she loved you,she really loved you whole heatedly. I make myself sick but all the tears and my eyes don't want to open anymore because I'll never see you again.She was like a best friend to me,I talked to her every week,my grief is consuming me and I can't breathe.It hurts to talk about her out loud,it hurts to breathe when I think about her.I can't deal with it,I feel so alone,I wish she were here.These wounds are just so deep,I just can't do it. . . . . .


I miss you Titi Mandy 3