Ambiebambie.. Why Do They Still Have To Hurt You?

My best friend was an amazing and beautiful person... and she was the friendliest person i had ever met... She died last August of 2011... People made fun of her for I don't even know why but none the less they made fun of her... After she died... People still made fun of her... When I found out I did everything to stop them from saying things... I can't even imagine what kind of person could be mean like that to someone who is so sweet and so nice! She was the good one... I was the one always getting in trouble... And getting into fights with people whether it be physical or verbal fights...

Well, when she died a big piece of me died with her... I once again hated life... I just hoped and preyed that it wasn't true... It couldn't be true right? Well it was... I wished it was me... People would miss me less... Right? I went to her wake... She was so beautiful... So peaceful... Yet so cold... And lifeless... I wished she would just get up and be like "Just Kidding Everyone!" She had a great sense of humor... When my boyfriend called me to tell me she had passed away... I freaked... I yelled at him... This was our conversation:

My boyfriend: Amber's dead..
Me: What?! Shut up! That's not funny! That's a sick joke!
My boyfriend: It's not a joke...

We had hung up after that... I couldn't feel anything... Like my body went numb... I felt so bad for yelling at my boyfriend but I was shocked, I know it's no excuse but he knew I was just in a state of shock... He acted as if I had never freaked out at him... When we went to her wake he held me tight... The whole time... I felt dead that night... And for the following week... I still feel like that... Even a year later... I don't know... I really just don't know anymore...