The Phone Call Came A Few Years Later Than Expected...

I met him 16 years ago. I fell in love with his light, his humor, his beauty, his radiant self...we danced, we laughed, we sang at the top of our lungs, we walked, read, dreamed, we made love....we cried. Years later after many treatment centers and remaining friends through it all, we would call each other when days were tough. He had a beautiful voice and when I heard a song that reminded me of him, i would call him instantly while it was playing, wherever I was. It was our thing. We were connected for life. I will never forget the sadness in his voice when he did his best to happily congratulate me on getting married. I wanted to scream into the phone line and tell him that it was him I would have married had he ever gotten his addiction under control. I loved him beyond any man i've ever loved, less my father. Five hours ago I found out he overdosed and died. All I could feel was relief...the man I once knew had disappeared several years ago. The tears began. I gave up on him, the lies, the deceipt, the hunting for money, praying that he would come back, wondering if this was the year he was going to die...being worried when too much time had passed between calls...him getting angrier and angrier with me, until I cut ties. A year ago, we reconnect, within two hours he tells me he's getting married, that he almost died in a motorcycle accident and that the doctors pinned him back together, literally...oh, and can I help him find a unique suit to get married in, right now!..he thinks indian style...i'm game...he's happy, edgie, flighty, and i'm walking on egg shells in an hour...all I want to do is run...who is this man, where is my friend. I want to be happy for him...I desperately look for the person I remember. I look deep into him and see small pieces of him...his hair is really long, his teeth are missing, his face is gaunt. He's 2 years younger and looks at least 10 older. People around us are afraid of him...I want to scream, this isn't who he is...this verbally abusive edgie reactionary person is not who he is. He's magic, he's love, he's about making music and making a difference for young people,...he's talented, brilliant, speaks several languages, well travelled, a poet, a gentle gentle heart that never quite mended. I love you dear friend and I'm not sure how to work through the sadness I feel in this moment, just know you are in my heart forever and i'll see you on the other side once i've finished what i'm in this life to explore.
leap68 leap68
41-45, F
2 Responses Jan 11, 2013

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Wow. I so relate to this story.
My phone call came earlier than expected, but I knew it would come eventually. We broke up (for good) 2 months before he died. No one told me he OD'd 3 times in those 2 months. When he died no drugs were found on him. I think his heart just gave out from the years of abusing drugs and alcohol.
I lost the love of my life to drug addiction.
I'm sorry for your loss and for my own.