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Soulmate Overdosed

 I found my soulmate dying in our hallway August 6th 2008. He had overdosed on $40.00 worth of heroin. He had recently got out of prison in June of 2008. He overdosed 3 days after his release. Luckily his friend found him. He checked into rehab 2 days later. He got out on July 22nd. Two weeks and a day is all I had with him. I found him after I got off workaround 10:30 P.m. He was purple and breathing very hard. Blood was coming out of his ear. He wasn't responding to anything. I called 911 and when they arrived they gave him a shot of Narcon and I heard Mike fighting with them. That was the ONLY time he showed any sign of life. I honestly thought he was gonna survive. At 2 a.m. the doctor said he would be dead in 10 minutes. His mom was asking to pull the plug now why wait. I screamed no and he fought until 5:53 A.M. the doctor was even surprised that his vitals were changing. There was no brain activity he would be brain dead and a vegetable if he survived. It was heartbreaking to let him go but but it would have been worse to let him live. His mom was such a witch. She buried him without telling me or any of his friends. She too was a serious drug addict. She chose drugs over him when he was 12 and gave custody to social services. I've never tried heroin and am terrified to due to this experience. He tried to stop but always admitted that he loved Heroin and loved the way it made him feel. Many have described the feeling as being kissed by God "Michael Anthony Williams 1977-2008" 
Since the first time I laid eye's on you in June of 1998 and July of 2008 when we started our life together and until the day I see you again not a day has or will that I don't think of YOU. 

denverwind denverwind 41-45, F 8 Responses Aug 3, 2009

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So sad...my son was a heroin addict...went to rehab for 10 weeks, and is at the moment doing very well....I can only hope and pray he's beat this demon for good

Dear Denverwind,<br />
<br />
I'm sobbing as I respond to your all too familiar short story...... And I'm sure, like myself, you have been abandoned with questions and even a tremendous amount of agonizing guilt?!? <br />
<br />
I found my boyfriend, soulmate, best friend on my bedroom floor in what seemed to be a seizure. I worked overnights so this was at about 9am. I immediately called 911 and started chest compressions and was able to get some heavy ( and loud) gasps of fight for life to fill his emptiness.. Twice he stopped convulsing and looked right at me like ' what? Why are you screaming at me?' and he really spoke ' I'm okay' and then nothing do I hit his chest again and again he looked in my eyes and whispered ' I'm okay, Im okay' then the emt's took over and after about 40 mins he was breathing on his own but unresponsive. They lost him again in the ambulance on the way to the hospital but this was it, he never came back.... July 12th I lost all I ever wanted, he had nothing but was everything I wanted... All I want is a logical explanation for the reason that he spoke to me minutes before being gone forever, how could so many users be flatlined and brought back?? Why couldn't they save him?? What makes this so unacceptable? Why can't I get a true medical answer explaining the steps of his death and the details??<br />
<br />
Please help my mind be eased if it is God's Will<br />
<br />
Paris C

<3

I so feel for your loss and the pain you've had to endure. I have had the same experience multiplied many times over and have actually "saved" many people from death by overdose because I spent 12 years as a heroin addict myself. I found from experience that a 10 lb. bag of ice on the inclined chest of someone who has stopped breathing, works better than Narcon. Anyway - I never "flopped" personally until I got "clean." It sounds like that is what happened to your soul mate. <br />
So what or who, do you blame? Was it his fault for doing it, the fault of the person who he bought the heroin from, jail for making him "clean" thus turning out a potential overdose victim to the streets? Ultimately you have to accept it for what it is.... A tragic accident or if you you don't believe in chance, then karma. No matter - I believe in positive actions as the best remedy for any calamity. <br />
I have become inspired with the perfect rehab format. Rehabs typically have a 90% failure rate for heroin addiction and I say, "Nonsense!" This "Human Recycling Program" that I have become inspired with is the perfect project for someone who has had their life ruined by a loved one becoming a victim of "stupidicied" by means of a heroin overdose. Contact me if you would like to hear more and possibly become involved in some way or another. <br />
Otherwise, what can anyone say? Losing a loved one in a sudden and tragically untimely way can only be healed by time, and by practicing forgetting that loved one. Not a positive process but an automatic survival mode response. In any case my sincere codolences and best wishes to you and all the other loved ones left behind to sort it all out.

I am very sorry for your loss. My boyfriends first relapse after being clean for two years he od'd right in front of me. It was one of the scariest things I had to experience.

I wasn't offended at all. Thanks for reading my story. I'm not following in his footsteps. My eyes are WIDE open. I want to live life to the fullest, my outlook on addiction is very different then before. I still slip once in awhile but I don't binge like I did years ago. It no longer gives me the satisfaction it once did.

Please forgive me if I make any offense, it is not my intention. <br />
<br />
I want you to know that you don't have to follow in your beloved's path. Addiction is a progressive disease. Things I said I would never do, I did. <br />
<br />
People overcome addiction and live radically transformed, productive and worthwhile lives. I absolutely believe this because my friends and I are doing it. <br />
<br />
If you need help, it is available and you can recover. I believe that. If you don't think you need help, tuck that hope away in your pocket in case you ever do. I don't know you and I make no judgement of your need.<br />
<br />
I feel for you in your loss, and for the countless other people who have lost their lives to addiction. Thank you for sharing your story, it reminds me of what Im up against and encourages me to keep moving forward for myself. Best wishes to you as you continue to heal from this tragedy.