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It's Been Almost 2 Months

On July 2, 2009 I found my signifigant other lying kneeling on the bathroom floor dead with needle on the on the counter and I knew what had happened. I just don't get it though he was doing so good for about a year then he got depressed and started doing it again. My days and my mind just can't wrap around it. He Loved me and the kids but that monkey got him this time. I have been sober 13 years and would never go back to it. I must say this has been the worse thing that has happened to me in my life. I am so tired and just dont know what to do anymore. How can a man with a wife and kids just do that to himself, I'll never understand the why's of it cause there is no answer. Maybe thats why it is hard to move on. I dont know anymore i JUST need some rest.

thanks for listening.

jlrp1p jlrp1p 36-40, F 4 Responses Aug 28, 2009

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I related to your agony, I lost my fiance' 3 weeks ago to an apparent overdose. I had no idea he was using Heroin, I knew he was addicted to Oxy and had injected it in the past. He went to rehab in March 2010, was out of rehab and got his 30 day coin the day before. He had been depressed since January, unemployed and felt he wasn't providing for his family. I noticed changes then and they worsened after that, in March I came home early and caught him shooting up, I assumed it was oxy, never thought of anything else. The day before he died, he got the call that he was hired to work full time with the National Guard, he was in the National Guard as a weekend warrior. This full time position would have meant financial security for him. I don't understand this disease, why he went to get high that day when he knew a drug test would have been given to start the new job, why he decided this drug was more important than his family. He left behind a 13 y/o, 10 y/o, 9 y/o and my 8 y/o and me. The people he bought from, watched him od and didn't try and save him, then dumped his body off at a local grocery store and left him in his truck for 12 hours, until I located him, then drove into the city and bought more. They have been arrested for abandoning a corpse, and distribution. But why not more, I'm compassionate with their addiction, I feel bad for them on that level, but I do not understand the lack of humanity in not trying to save him. A fire station was right up the road. Why not help him, I understand they had drugs in the house but why, why, why. Please stay strong and remember the positive things and push out all the negative. It's the only way I'm getting through this. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I related to your agony, I lost my fiance' 3 weeks ago to an apparent overdose. I had no idea he was using Heroin, I knew he was addicted to Oxy and had injected it in the past. He went to rehab in March 2010, was out of rehab and got his 30 day coin the day before. He had been depressed since January, unemployed and felt he wasn't providing for his family. I noticed changes then and they worsened after that, in March I came home early and caught him shooting up, I assumed it was oxy, never thought of anything else. The day before he died, he got the call that he was hired to work full time with the National Guard, he was in the National Guard as a weekend warrior. This full time position would have meant financial security for him. I don't understand this disease, why he went to get high that day when he knew a drug test would have been given to start the new job, why he decided this drug was more important than his family. He left behind a 13 y/o, 10 y/o, 9 y/o and my 8 y/o and me. The people he bought from, watched him od and didn't try and save him, then dumped his body off at a local grocery store and left him in his truck for 12 hours, until I located him, then drove into the city and bought more. They have been arrested for abandoning a corpse, and distribution. But why not more, I'm compassionate with their addiction, I feel bad for them on that level, but I do not understand the lack of humanity in not trying to save him. A fire station was right up the road. Why not help him, I understand they had drugs in the house but why, why, why. Please stay strong and remember the positive things and push out all the negative. It's the only way I'm getting through this. I'm so sorry for your loss.

it wasnt him anymore hunny. dont beat yourself up the drug takes over your body mind and soul. my brother died of a heroin od and his one really good friend from high school contacted me afterwards, and he finds comfort in hanging with me bc i am so much like my bro. he is a recovering heroin addict its been a year now for him. i asked like why was he so selfish to take himself away from us and he said this is how it is... think of the person you loved the most in life, thats how you feel about heroin, then imagine none of your friends like that person so you get rid of the friends, then that person doesnt like your hobbies so there goes that then your family wont accept that person so there goes the family then your wrapped up in this person and they are all you got left and then damn thats herion it takes you away from you your mind body and soul are committed to the love of the way this drug takes away all sadness and pain and your comsumed by a love that one day will kill you......my heart goes out to you and your family. dont let your children forget the person he was before the devils candy consumed him.....

Try me once in might let you go, try me twice ill take your soul. I agree, the drug, this demon that it is, get between your loved one and everything else. it distorts thier view on life and pushes everything else away. they are not the same person as you remembered. i would remind my wife when we were trying to save her sister, she isnt that sweet innocent 12 yr old that you see in your mind. that girl is in there, but imprisoned by the drug. His low self esteem and depression only fueled the overwhelming need to get a break from that pain. he was in there and he loved you but couldnt fight the need to feel no pain one more time. i hope you can find peace with it. i know my journey is just beginning.

I loved the way you described it. I have done a lot of drugs but could never understand the pull heroin had on my little brother. It makes so much sense. The only time he ever hid anything from me was when he was on it.