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My Precious Son

I got a phone call on the night of July 23rd,2009,come quick,there's something wrong with my son.I got in my car and when I got there a policeman came up to me and asked if I was his mother,I said yes and he said I'm sorry,your son is dead.Everything was like in slow motion,no,no,no,I screamed.He died from a heroin overdose.He was 30 years old.My son,my best friend,the sweetest guy.Everyone loved him,it's like I'm in a nightmare and can't wake up.My family is heartbroken.His little sister found him.We'll never be the same.We miss him so much,we didn't even know he was shooting heroin,he hid it real good.Now we have to go on without him,our hearts are broken.I wish I woulda known he needed help,I would of done anything for him but now it's too late.If anyone reading this has a heroin addiction and a family,please tell somebody you need help,they love you,they care about you,where there's life there's hope.You can get help,you don't need to be addicted.I know it sounds impossible but there are ways out of your hell.My son was the sweetest person,he would do anything for anyone.The only person he THOUGHT he was hurting was his self but now we all hurt.Him being gone is the worst unimaginable pain I've ever had.It's with me constantly,if only I could have done something,if only I knew he had this problem.Now we have to live without him,my baby is gone.The pain is unbearable.I've seen a phychiatrist,they wanted to put me on anti-depressants.Nothing helps,I'm so heartbroken.

somanytears somanytears 51-55, F 8 Responses Sep 10, 2009

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I lost my 32year old son april 11th.He died alone in my home and wasnt found for two days I was on vacation. He had been through detox and everything was going so well. Redoing his relationship with his brothers, got his job back, Had a nice girlfriend. He said finally everything is working out. Then he relapses and overdoses and dies. My heart is broken and I dont want to go on without him. I never got to see him again. I need to know why, and was there something I should have done. I love him with all my heart and need to know he is ok.

I just lost my best friend to heroin yesterday. I didnt know she was shooting up....I full of remorse and guilt...how could I have not been able to prevent this. These stories help me, and it helps to know I am not alone. I feel terrible about it, she said she had shot up about 30 times but i think she must have been doing it allot. Now she is gone and I miss her. Sending love and prayers to everyone on here who has lost some one.

My brother past away November 9th 2009, Ever since that day life has not been the same. Its extremley unfortunate that mothers,fathers,daughters,sons,brothers,and sisters are dying every day and its a tragdey. It doesn't have to happen. My family is distroyed. My mother, who is all I have now Became an addict herself after my brother passed away. I did too for the first year and half after his death. I have a son and I dug deep down inside of me and found the strength to pull myself out of my addiction and misery. I am truly sorry for everone's loss. I didn't have to happen. This is an epidemic that noone seems to find a cure for. This can happen to anyone, anywhere.

I too got that phone call in the middle of the night...ill never forget that moment for the rest of my life. I am the little sister of a brother who overdosed on heroin at 27. Your story is very similar to mine...my mother and father have gotten the soul sucked out of their bodies it seems. I dont think they will ever be the same. I dont think ill ever get my parents back. we all feel unending guilt...what if this what if that? im so sorry for your loss I've seen first hand what losing a son can do...i hope you can somehow find the strength to move on..mostly for your kids because I would like to have my own mother back someday.

first i want to express my deepest sympathy to you and your family. my brother died aug 17 2009 of a heroin overdose. he was 21. my family nor my parents or I am ok at all. He was a huge piece of our family that will never be replaced. I want to say this to you, even if you knew about the addiction or tried to help him, chances are if he was shooting it he was pretty far gone. We knew about my brothers addiction we tried so many times and were up so long that sometimes we would see the sunrise twice trying to figure out a way to make him see he needed help. the bottom line is if that person themselves do not want to stop they arent going to. my brother would tell us he wanted help and we would find him a rehab but as soon as they would get him on the phone he would say he was being forced. i beat myself up on this for while bc i just didnt understand why he couldnt see we wanted him to be here for many more years and why he wouldnt look at how much pain we were all in from this and want to stop especially since my father whom he looked up to most in the world begged and pleaded. i have been refering to this drug as "the devils candy" its evil and will have no good come out of it. once you start u aren't going to stop your body and mind become consumed by this un dying love for this drug. I want to tell you all how so very sorry i am for your loss, and none of us are alone. i know we all pretty much feel the same, but i look at my mother and father every day and thou its so so so so hard for me I could never imagine how bad this hurts the people who made them and raised them and taught them so much. theres nothing anyone in this world can do or say to make this pain go away its going to live in our hearts forever. You need to find your own way of dealing with this, i have tried support groups but i have found that i cannot have a scheduled day to think about him or cry or talk about him. its been 6 months but the days are unpredictable. sometimes i am ok and sometimes i am mental hospital bound. i have found that writting is what gets most of the painful things out of my head. Not for good just for awhile, but when it comes back I write more. I dont write in a diary thou, I write to him. We have a wooden box behind his ashes and thats where i put it all. so i know he will get it. the bottom line is we need to focus on how amazing each and everyone of our loved ones we lost to this were. I know its easier said than done but try not to think about what you wont have from him anymore think about what he gave you when he was alive. my thoughts and prayers are with your family. They will forever live on in our hearts and noone or nothing can take that away from us......

Truest words ever spoken, I hope your healing, I know the pain never goes away

My heart aches for you, as i am dealing with the tragic loss of my 22 year old son who passed away from an overdose on the 27th of May 2009. My heart to is breaking and i feel like i dont want to go on without him.He was my baby and i am now just going through my daily life on auto pilot as i have 5 other children i have to take care of, when i feel like just curling up and being left alone to mourn for my BEAUtiful son BEAU. How i miss his presence in my life. The hardest thing to comprehend is that he was taking heroin as i was uaware. Speaking to a couple of his friend's they told me he had just started using this horrible horrilble evil drug when it took his life. I long to hold him in my arm's and tell him how much i love him again, to see his BEAUtiful smile, to hear his laughter, all of which has been robbed from me!!!!. I will keep living this life knowing that one day i will get to see him again. But for now i will keep his memory alive in my thought's of him everday. I love you son . Try your best to have happy thought's of your son everyday as that is what get's me through each day. my thought's and preyers are with you xx Francine Galea

There are no words in my vocabulary that can begin to alleviate your pain but I just feel the need to reach out and say I am so sorry for your pain. Addiction is so difficult to understand and I can only imagine the scenarios you must go through in your head trying to figure out what you could have done to change this and torturing yourself. You sound like an extremely loving mother and I will keep you in my thoughts as you fight to get your own life back. Have you and your daughter been able to seek a local support group where others have experienced similar trauma? You have an important life experience to share. I am not helping, I know, but this hits close to home and my heart is breaking for you. I wish there was something I could do. It's so hard to hear you insinuating that you blame yourself in some way for not knowing it and fixing it. Even when you know it, it's next to impossible to save anyone. I will never forget my psychiatrist saying to me "You are a mother not a superhero. You can love your child with all your heart and soul, but you don't have the power to keep her alive” It sounds cold but it wasn't. He just reminded me that all the worry and guilt I put on myself wouldn't change the situation as she was ultimately making her own choices and I could only do so much.

One thing is for sure, your feelings are perfectly normal. You have suffered the loss of a child. To say that this is unfair, a tragedy or extremely painful is just so absurd because that is insulting to the reality of what you are experiencing. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to honor your feelings. Maybe anti-depressants while you are seeing a therapist through your grieving process could be helpful. I don't know. I am rambling because I want so badly to take your pain away. No parent should bury a child. I am so sorry. I wish that helped but I know you have a difficult path ahead but please don't lose all hope. I think you said it best when you wrote "please tell somebody you need help, they love you, they care about you, where there's life there's hope". Take care of you and lean on your family friends. I am sure they want to help you but feel helpless and at a loss for words. Let them just listen if that is what you need.

Again, you are in my thoughts and I am sorry I just rambled. My heart is in the right place but my words are limited.