My Best Friend.

I lost my best friend on July 21, 2009. Natalie picked me up the morning before. As we drove, she told me how she'd gotten in a fight with her boyfriend. So, she pulled out a book and started making lines of heroin and snorting it while driving. I didn't think any thing of it. It had become normal to me. Through out the day, she kept snorting, and injecting the drug. Her arms, legs, and feet were so collapsed from the needles, so she did it in her hand. All night, I tried to hard to keep her awake. Note: I am 15 years old. I didn't know what to do. Natalie snorted some coke and layed on the bed with me. We talked for five hours straight, struggling to keep her concious. She kept picking at this bump on her wrist until it bled. I remember asking her what heroin was like. And she told me, "It's the best feeling in the world. You'll wish like you could feel like this all the time." When I went home, I told her I'd call her the second I walk in the door. She said, okay but if I don't answer, it's because I'm sleeping. I'm going to do a little more so I can fall asleep. And I left. I called her 20 minutes later. I could not understand a word she was saying and told her I'd call her in the morning, and that I love her with all my heart. When I got home from school, I got a call from my friend telling me Jessica had overdosed last night. She had a sezure and bit her tongue off. She's dead. She's dead...

Natalie was the most beautiful girl I've ever layed eyes on. She was perfect in every way. Her laugh, her smile, her special glow. She's still my best friend, my sister, my baby girl. But for some reason the guilt of her life ending weighs on my shoulders day in and day out.

Staring at her in that coffin tore my heart out. Rubbing her hand where she had shot heroin 3 days before sent chills down my spine. I couldn't let her go.  I couldn't do it.

It's been almost 2 months with out her. I lay here every day, and every night, just thinking. Listening to her favorite songs. Looking at our pictures. Reminiscing old times.

I'd do anything to have her back. To hear her say, "I love you," one last time. But I can't. My life is changed, and hers is gone. Forever.