My Brother My Best Friend

Me and My brother have been tight since the day I met him in the hospital after mom gave birth. She always told us there was this immediate connection from the first time he seen me and smiled. For the longest time it was the fantastic four as we called it me 24 mom dad and him 21. Years went by and we got a brother who is now 13 and a sister 4. I turned to my brother for everything, he was my rock. He put me back on track and kept me pushing and striving to be everything I wanted to be. He was my go to my wing man! Him and my dad and I were the best of friends and we sorta leaned on each other for guidence. I think more with my brother than my dad. Oh he was an amazing musician, I mean played bass guitar drums piano keyboards w e u can think of, he  wrote music, sang(oh what a beautiful voice), he even produced recorded mixed remastered whatever you wanted he did it. About 3 years ago he was playing the guitar for me and he turned and said I need help. I was like ok dude with what whats going on? Prior to that his first love left him bc he was always doing the band thing and going to philly to record and not coming home for days and very very obsessive and protective of her. Neways, he said I dont know what to do, i got into something really bad and I dont know how to stop. I tried guessing leaving out heroin bc OMG dad was in a band and use to tell us stories about old friends dying of it, so i never even thought that till he dropped the bomb that he was sniffing it. He said I am not bad thou please please pinky promise you wont tell the parents. I didnt know what to do, my brother was straight edge his whole life, never touched a cigg alcohol drugs nothing he would flip on his friends who did that stuff all the time, plus i knew nothing about it, so i left it go about a year, which please I regret everyday, until mom came down from his room crying saying she found a brown line of coke on a mirror, and i had to tell her what was going on. We battled this for about another year trying to give him lots of love and attention. Then much to our dismay, dad went in his room and opened the door and on the steps was a dirty needle. We begged and cried and pleaded and had family interventions trying to make him see we didnt want to lose him and we wanted to help him. Dad said he would quit his job and go to the rehab with him, and he cried with us and told us he was going to do it on his own. Well of course he would go about a week get sick and then when the pain just became too much he would go pick up again and it would be booted whereever he could that dad couldnt see.

I went to bed on Aug 2, 2009 and about 10 min after I fell asleep I heard my mom scream from her bedroom upstairs and she ran to the top of the steps screaming get to your brother hes dying hes dying,go go. He was at his gfs house about 10 min from where we lived. I jumped in my car and flew through every stop sign every light (dont worry it was 2 am not alot of ppl out) and i pulled up as the ambulance was pulling up. I threw my car in park and ran up to the door pounding and the cop turned to me and said you cant go in there i am sorry. I started flipping out and here comes my parents around the corner i am like thats my brother let me in get the hell out of my way bc if you dont let me in my dad is going to hop out of that truck and make you let us in. The cop told me if I didnt back off i was going to jail and suddenly the door flew open and they were pulling my borther outta the house in cuffs and into the ambulance and I am crying my eyes out and he looks at me and says shut up get in the car and follow me to the hospital. We get there and he had overdosed and they recesitated him and found about 3 needles a pill bottle of empty wrappers in his pockets. My parents begged please arrest him hes gonna die if we cant get him help and get him clean please, and the police refused. The hospital kept him over night and released him the next day. We had another intervention telling him how scared we were when we thought he was gone and he said I swear on everything I am done I am done. He got clean for about a week and a half, and the devils candy spoke to him again. Him and his gf came in at about 4 am doped up and falling and screaming so I who slept on the couch flipped out told him he was a junkie and doesnt deserve to have a place to come home to and that if he died it would be his own fault and i wasnt attending the funeral. I was mad bc i had to work in about 2 hrs and there is a 13 yrs old and 4 year old sleeping who are our brother and sister. He went upstairs and didnt speak to me at all.

I took off to the beach after work that day so I never went back home that weekend. I usually call him all the time everyday to make sure hes ok and if he needed to talk but I didnt bc I was so mad at him. I got home sunday night 8/16/09 after an awesome end to my summer and went to bed bc i had work the next day. I got 3 calls from his phone at about 11:30 and I was like no I am not picking up bc I am still pissed and he prolly just wants me to pick him up. About 1:30am monday 8/17/09 my parents woke me. They said we have to go to the hospital your brother is in ICU are you coming or can you watch the kids? I stayed and told them to call if I needed to be there. About half hr went by and I called them and was like ya know whats going on. My mom said baby are you sitting down and I knew it I said mom please please dont do this mom dont tell me this is he ok please say hes ok and silence and i screamed MOM and all she said was baby u have to come say goodbye to your brother. I lost it i dropped to the floor it felt like someone ripped my heart out i am saying please tell me your lying please mom put him on put him on i just want to hear his voice he cant be gone, and then dad comes on and says hunny breath and get here and i knew it was true and now I had to go see him for my last time ever in my life and he cant give me that amazing hug and say i am ok his blue eyes will not show and he will not move talk walk or hear me tell him I am sorry and I love him.

My brother died that morning in his scumbag dopehead girlfriends house without us there......He was 21 with his whole life ahead of him he couldve done nething he wanted with music what he loved the most in life, but the devils candy took him over and now hes gone..............

On christmas eve we recieved the call from the coroner with my brothers toxology report. They said he had a little less than a bundle in his system, and because he was clean for 2 weeks and just jumped back to that much basically they said he was healthy as a horse but that god damn herion stopped his heart and there was just too much in his system. They said they tried everything to bring him back, but almost immediatly after he was done booting he was gone....

I feel so alone everyday of my life somedays i dont want to get up but i know he would want me to go on with life. I lost my rock my confidence my guidence he was all those things to me and I regret not picking up the phone that night and not telling my parents sooner, but i guess i never thought i would lose him. They say when your a twin you can feel your other half die. I am not his twin but i assure u when i turned the corner in the hospital that night and they opened the curtain i felt him die inside me. I miss him so much and its been 6 months today and the pain is still so fresh. If i had one wish I think you know what it would be. I just want him back so bad, my life will be incomplete forever now. I just hope there is such thing as them watching down and hearing you when you talk to them bc i go in his room which is so cold and lonely and untouched and talk to him all the time. I dont know how I am ever going to get threw this.....

 

REST IN PEACE 8/17/09 12:21 am

AngelInTheSky AngelInTheSky
22-25, F
1 Response Feb 17, 2010

That is a beautiful and tragic story.....i came on hear to look up this very topic.....i overdosed almost a week ago on coke, but i was one of the lucky ones as they brought me back.....god bless you and keep you your brother would be very proud of you for sharing this experience with others...you may very well be saving lives with your honesty. ....i can only imagine the pain this must have put you through, as i had a friend overdose on coke also but he was another lucky one......pulled through dispite turning blue. Sadly my daughter and granddaughter have now disowned me. i dont understand. i am not about to do it again, and i have learned a lesson. is that not the purpose of life? It has now been almsot a year since you posted this story, i hope things are a bit better.........but you never forget.