My Father

After my Mother passed away in 1981 on mothers day my father was depressed and had a real hard time dealing with her passing.  He drank a gallon of whiskey a day would start at 6 am and stayed drunk for days. That did not kill him. After a few months he stopped drinking and started to live again. His brother needed a vehicle my father helped him buy it.  Of course my uncle couldn't afford it after awhile screwing my dad over. The van was reported stolen from Williams research ( they make engines from jets and cruise missiles real tight security)  was found with a fire under it and gas pour in it, ignition had the keys in it. He also had broken up with his girl friend a week before. Super bowl Sunday 1982 he dropped me off at my grandmother house and never came back. My grandmother gave me a ride home and his car was there. I went in the basement and found him he had shot himself in the head with his colt trooper mark 3.  I can still see him on the floor with the blood all over.  I hate him for that. What a selfish act.
atuff atuff
41-45, M
2 Responses Jul 14, 2010

My father took his own life a few weeks ago...with a shotgun....I am so angry with what he did. I fully understand your pain and anger. Cannot understand why he would do such a thing. The note he left said it was because he could not handle the pain from a accident a few weeks earlier.....bullshit excuse.....he has caused more pain than he has ever dealt with.

You're right, that's completely awful that your father left you. Especially in a way that he most likely knew you would be the one that found him. Suicide is selfish, by definition, but the people who follow through with it most likely do not wish to harm you. They are in too much pain to think clearly. My real dad was an alcoholic and I know that he didn't mean to do the things he did, but he couldn't think and act clearly when he was like that. It sucks that those are the things you remember, but until you can get passed hate and move onto forgiveness.... you'll never really get to move on.