I'll Never Forgive Her

My best friend in high school came out to me as gay when he was a Senior in high school and I was a Junior. Personally, I had no problem with it. True, I was a little shocked at first just because it caught me quite off guard, but he was not my only gay friend and my feelings toward him never changed. He asked me not to tell, so I didn't.

The following year, at university, he met his first boyfriend and he came out to his mother. She promptly kicked him out of the house and disowned him (his father had long since been out of the picture). He had to quit school to support himself and floated around from crappy job to crappy job for a few months. At first he stayed with his boyfriends parents, but when they found out the truth about his relationship with their son, they also kicked him out. He floated around staying with me and a few other friends for a few months, never really staying in one place that long.

One night, very early in the morning, in a crappy hotel room downtown by the river, he walked out of his room, down the street, and off a bridge. I woke up the next morning and checked my email before work to find that he had sent me a message. A suicide note via email. What would we do without technology? I raced to the phone to call his boyfriend, but I knew even before he said a word that it was too late. The morgue had already called him down since his was the only contact information in my friend's wallet. He didn't even have enough faith in his mother that she would come to identify his dead body.

That was more than four years ago now, and I still miss him every day. There is one line from his suicide note that haunts me to this day. "Never forget that someone told you they love you, even if you forget who that person is." What he didn't realize, and what I wish I could have made him understand, was that I could never forget him and that I loved him more than I could ever say. I will never be able to forgive his mother for not telling him the same thing each and every day.

It's not fair that his situation was such an awful one, but I've tried to find at least some good that can come of it. I am now a teacher, and I always make sure that all of my students learn tolerance and practice it in my classroom. I'm an advocate for The Trevor Project (an online organization for LGBT community and friends) and my friends and I've started a "To Write Love" campaign, to make sure that everyone who needs it receives the message that they are loved, and I owe it all to him.

If you can help by spreading this story even further and (hopefully) preaching tolerance, it would make a world of difference. Thanks for listening!
renata4688 renata4688
1 Response Jul 15, 2010

This story still makes me tear up. He was lucky to have you and I wish he had more people in his life like you, because then maybe he could have been save. But I'm glad you've tried to find ways to overcome your loss a little and that it was motivated you in a positive way.