Latasha....

We told each other we would always be there for each other, and I was always there for you, even if it was at 2am in the morning. I valued our friendship more than anything else in the world, and thought it was the best thing in the world. We really got each other and understood each other. You made middle school awesome. It was the only three years of my life, that I wasn't struggling to wake up every morning. I actually wanted to be in school, because you made it awesome like that. Our friendship was the world...However, I guess it just wasn't enough to keep you fighting back, and keep going.

We both suffered from Depression, we both had really bad childhoods. We understood each other more than anyone else could ever even try to. We knew when to say what, and we knew when the best thing to do, was to keep quite. We knew it all. We were like soul sisters, and we were a huge part of each other. You made me go to my 1st school dance, and that night I had my 1st kiss with my 1st boyfriend. You made my life seem somewhat bare-able.

You were popular, and everyone wanted to be your best friend, yet you chose me. If they didn't like me, and wanted to be around me, than they didn't deserve your time of the day. You were the bestest friend in the world, and I was so lucky to have. I never got a chance to tell you how much I appreciated your friendship, and your amazement.

Than came that dark night in the middle of our 8Th grade year. I had called you, because you just didn't seem like yourself that day in school. I was worried about you. So we called, and we talked for a good hour or so, and I remember asking you, if you needed me come over, and you PROMISED me that you were okay, that you were just tired. So we got off the phone, and I went to sleep, knowing I would see you in the morning.

When I got to school the next morning, When I got to school, there was a lot of commotion going on. I wasn't sure what was going on. I had went to where we had usually met us, and you weren't there. I figured you might have overslept, or wasn't coming to school. So I headed to 1st period....

After the morning announcements were over, class had started. I didn't think anything of the fact that you still had not come into school, I just thought, maybe you took a day off, to get some extra sleep. It was unusual for you to be skipping school, so I didn't really think nothing of it. Than the guidance counselor had come into the class, and asked the teacher if I could come with her, he had said ya, and I had followed her down the stairs and back to her office.

Once we got down to the main floor, I saw a few police officers around, and was wondering was I in some kind of trouble, or something like that. My heart was beating so fast, that I thought for sure that my heart was going to fall out of my chest. By the time I had got to her officer, I was practically in tears. I wanted to know what the hell was going on, was I going to be arrested for something? My mind would not stop going.

Sitting in the counselor's room, I was so nervous, and so scared, finally she started asking me questions about you, when was the last time I had seen you, and how you were doing, and I told her that I had seen you in school yesterday, but we had talked the night before, and that you were tired. I kept asking, Why Why Why, did something happen to Latasha? Is she okay? She took my hand, and told me "Honey, I am so sorry, but Latasha killed herself last night" I was completely lost in what she had said, I was like that is not possible, She was happy, she was just tired. She than handed me a note that you had written, explaining that your father had started abusing you again, and the death of your mother was just too much to handle and that you needed an escape. In the note, you had explained that it was just too much for you, and that you wanted to be with your mother again.

I had no idea what was even going on, you were my best friend, and I didn't even know what was happening. It has been about six years since your death, and the pain is still there. I wanted so much to make it better for you, we were soul sisters, if I had known, we could have stopped him. We could have come up with something. I think of you all the time, and hope that you are with your mom again. I Love you to death Latasha.

Your suicide effected everyone, it hurt so many of us, we had no idea what was going on with you. You hid your pain so well. You were always happy, and so full of life, I had no idea of the nightmare you were living. I wish I could have taken it all away. If you had just talked to me, we could have figured something out. However, you kept it all in, and kept it all to yourself, now I am living a life, without my best friend, without my soul sister.

In the note you had written you told me, my friendship,  meant the world to you, I just can't help but wonder, if it meant that much to you, than why did you end your life? Why didn't you just come to me, and talk to me? Why? Every time I think of you, I ask myself, why wasn't I enough to help you? I don't know, its just been so hard without you. I know we will see each other again someday, but still, it has been so hard without you.

Since your death, I have been able to get through it, with the help of others. When I think about ending my life, I remember the pain that we were all in when we had herd of your suicide, and I don't want anyone else to feel that pain. It was hard for us, I just wish you would have talked to one of your friends, instead of ending your life. You have been missed.

Its been six years, and sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, and I feel the pain all over again. I am glad you are not in pain, and you are away from the man that was hurting you, and that you are with your mom again, I just wish you were still here.

deleted deleted
26-30
Aug 12, 2010