Saying Goodbye To Luke

I cannot believe it has been almost two years since we lost you. My emotions at times can feel just as raw as the day you left. But then there are days where you don’t cross my mind, almost like it was a nightmare, long forgotten, lost in a childhood full of dreams.

Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There were days and nights I thought I would not survive. I was terrified that my life would always be sad. That the nightmares would never end. That I would never be fully-functioning or truly happy again. I was scared that I would never be able to fall in love again.

But the days turned to weeks, to months, and now two years. Two years later, your legacy is not lost. We all still look up to you. The way you loved unconditionally, gave of yourself to every person you met, put 100% into every project you took on. The footprint you left is large, Luke. It will always bring me sorrow to think of the impact you would have made on this world, had you stayed.

In your life, you pushed me to go after my dreams, no matter how lofty they seemed. You got me through my econ class I was sure I would fail. You loved me. You taught me how to cook the perfect omelet. You introduced me to my favorite, cheap, table wine. You made me laugh when no one else could.

In your death, you have taught me I am stronger than I thought I was. That I can lose the one I love the most and function and then learn to love again. Your death has reminded me to always say I love you, keep those you care for near, never take anything for granted. Losing you, I have learned that life can change in an instant.

Like I will for the rest of my life Luke, I will think of you this November 20th. I miss you down here. Sometimes, so much, it takes my breath away.

But you are no longer in that dark place. No longer in that pain. For that, I am happy and at peace.

I will miss you always, love you forever.

girlbythebay girlbythebay
22-25, F
7 Responses Nov 7, 2011

Sounds like you really cared about him, and him about you. I'm really sorry.,,this story brought me to tears as I also know what it's like to miss someone I love. I wish we could heal each others pain by our love...and I think love does heal people. His love has helped you to heal too. Sounds like an awesome guy....sending hugs!

i'm really sorry you had to lose him like that. I don't mean to offend you but you make him sound like a brother. Was he?

I admire your courage. I wish that one day I could be as strong as you. It has only been a month since I lost my fiance. I love how you are still so passionate with your emotions with the way you describe him in your writing.

i'm sorry for your loss. its always hard losing someone dear to you. i'm glad that you have found courage and strength to move on in life. i wish you all the best. stay strong

You know the Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk is in San Francisco this year. I was volunteering with them last night in their NYC offices setting up packets and making phone calls. Just google "Out of the Darkness Overnight". I walked 18 miles last year in NYC and it was awesome. I lost my grandmother to suicide in 2000, my brother witnessed it but couldn't help her.

I am so sorry for your pain. He sounds like an amazing person, and you have written a beautiful tribute to him. I firmly believe in a life after this one, and I am sure he is at peace now. I wish you peace and comfort as well. *Hugs*

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and for the support. EP is such a wonderful community. I am very lucky to be a part of it!

:'(<br />
Another good one lost.

Indeed... thank you for the comment. I love that EP is a place where we can share our triumphs and our losses, with friends who are here to support. =)