Saying Goodbye To Luke

I cannot believe it has been almost two years since we lost you. My emotions at times can feel just as raw as the day you left. But then there are days where you don’t cross my mind, almost like it was a nightmare, long forgotten, lost in a childhood full of dreams.

Saying goodbye to you was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. There were days and nights I thought I would not survive. I was terrified that my life would always be sad. That the nightmares would never end. That I would never be fully-functioning or truly happy again. I was scared that I would never be able to fall in love again.

But the days turned to weeks, to months, and now two years. Two years later, your legacy is not lost. We all still look up to you. The way you loved unconditionally, gave of yourself to every person you met, put 100% into every project you took on. The footprint you left is large, Luke. It will always bring me sorrow to think of the impact you would have made on this world, had you stayed.

In your life, you pushed me to go after my dreams, no matter how lofty they seemed. You got me through my econ class I was sure I would fail. You loved me. You taught me how to cook the perfect omelet. You introduced me to my favorite, cheap, table wine. You made me laugh when no one else could.

In your death, you have taught me I am stronger than I thought I was. That I can lose the one I love the most and function and then learn to love again. Your death has reminded me to always say I love you, keep those you care for near, never take anything for granted. Losing you, I have learned that life can change in an instant.

Like I will for the rest of my life Luke, I will think of you this November 20th. I miss you down here. Sometimes, so much, it takes my breath away.

But you are no longer in that dark place. No longer in that pain. For that, I am happy and at peace.

I will miss you always, love you forever.