Spring.I'd been offshore for 2 weeks and just got back close enough that I had a cell signal.
2 panic messages on my voicemail from 3 days earlier.
What the hell.
I call back.
And find out she's dead.
Not just anyone.
Not just a friend.
But someone who was above and beyond just a friend or best friend. No, not a lover, infact we'd never slept together, in the same bed, yes, otherwise, no.
The person I could tell anything to.
The person that I always knew would be there, or so I thought.
Someone that I could drunk dial at any hour and she would be there.
If our dogs got along together (they never got to meet) she demanded that we should get married.
She was the one that would pour another glass of wine when you needed it.
She was the one that had a smile that would burn through any crap you had going on in your head. Because hey, somewhere else, somewhere not here, someone had it worse right?
That was who I lost, almost 9 months ago.
I have a hard time with a lot of stuff now. Stuff I'm learning how to deal with on my own. When my ex and I broke up I got in the car and went for a ride and went looking in my cellphone for her number. When it dawned on me all I could do was scream and damn her. Damn her for not being there anymore. Damn her for copping out and leaving me here like this.
I'm still really angry. I still miss her more than anything.
On the flip side I hope she knows that I still love her.
anteye 36-40, M 10 Responses 4 Nov 25, 2006