Mistakes By Others caused Young Lady's Suicide

In response to an e-mail I received earlier today: I know my daughter committed suicide, at least in part, because of the animosity between her mother and me. To ensure no one is identified in this (or any confessions here) I can only speak in general terms. I married young, needed to mature, was abusive to my wife BUT NOT to my daughter. A bitter and hostile divorce took place. I was refused access to my daughter even 3 years after the break-up when things had somewhat improved for me. My ex-wife was never one to easily reason with. Years passed by and at about 16, my daughter contacted me (first by letter) then by letters and phone calls, off and on over a 4 year period (she did so "on the sly" so as not to upset her mother who she said would clam up at the mention of my name). Further evidence of the hatred and bitterness my ex-wife has toward me is the fact that she did not inform me of my daughter's death. I came by this information in a most unlikey way. Once I questioned my "ex" as to what happened to her - I got no reply. After some detective work, I confirmed that she overdosed on aspirin. So, in part, her death was a result of two people not coming to terms with each other and letting their conflict ruin another person's life. And that conflict continues today, probably mostly from me as I cannot believe that someone could withold information like that. Anyone else who finds themselves in a "hostile conflict" should find a way to resolve it before they lose one of their own children a similar way'. A "hard lesson" which is best to avoid.
sakamato sakamato
51-55, M
4 Responses Mar 3, 2007

Dear Father,

The greatest calamity is not to have failed but to have failed to try. The abuse probably had something to do with her committing suicide. But it also could have lies from her mother and somehow not being able to have a relationship with her. A young girl needs their father as well as their mother. Thank you for sharing this sad story and maybe somehow you are helping another couple to be careful how they treat one another.

Did you ever apologise for abusing your ex wife? I can understand how she would not want you to see your daughter. Stop blaming your ex wife and take some responsibility.

I am so sorry for your loss. No parent should ever be denied a relationship with their child, barring abuse. No parent should find out about the loss of a child in the fashion you did.

I am sorry for your loss and especially the way you found out. My Fiance killed himself because he couldn't see his 3 kids. They are 9, 11, 12. She (his ex wife) made it very difficult for him to see them. He loved them so much I wish he could of held on to show them how much he loved them.