Deal With It On Your Own

I may not be as old as some of you but i still feel the pain. people think just becuase you've not reached a certain age yet then no explanation is needed, things can just get brushed under the carpet. Well that's what happened to me. i lost my step-mum to suicide 6 years ago now and it still hurts as if it was yesterday.And the only details i was told was that she got ill in the night and passed away. i knew this wasnt true from that young age but kind of just accepted it. it was a week before my 8th birthday and the funeral held on that day so there were no balloons cake or partys for me. i spent some time searching for explanations on the internet and finally found the news story 'young mum hangs self due to postnatal depression.' it was like a knife to the heart. yes i had wanted to find out the truth but who knew it would hurt so bad? i dont really know what to do with myself its like losing her all over again, i was closer to her than my own mother she just sort of understood me you know? so ive come on her to vent my emotions about the whole ordeal and you know what it kind of helps. even though there are tears straming down my face it feels like ive eventually let her go. i wasnt allowed to the funeral but im kind of holding my own for her.
R.I.P fiona i love you more than life itself x
Woody188 Woody188
18-21, F
1 Response May 6, 2012

I am so sorry that your real mom was never there for you! Why do people have to do things to hurt others? I don't understand! When I say that I'm being hypocritical because I was like that once where I almost wasn't a live anymore and it scared the hell out of me!