Almost Lost...

When I was 9 my mum and dad divorced and I remember knowing about it for months before they told me or my younger brother, they had a pretty rough divorce and I remember pretty soon after they divorced my mum was in a new relationship. I remember it was valentines day when I was 11 and the fights were still going on between my parents. Anyway they has a bigger fight than normal and I remember sitting on the living room floor while my mum was in the kitchen, I was numb. I went into the kitchen and found my mum. She had taken 4 packets of pain relief medication. I sat there just yelling at her how could she be so selfish? Did she hate me and my brother so much did she regret us in her life that much? She said she did it for us so we wouldn't have to hear arguing anymore, but o knew she did it for herself, a cowards way out is what I thought. I called the hospital and luckily she is still alive today! I had to grow up quickly since then and now I don't see my mum in the same way anymore! She is supposed to be a role model for me and now I just see her as someone i have to live with
Jmfm1995 Jmfm1995 18-21, F 2 Responses May 20, 2012

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It is unfortunate that you have had to grow up so early. But try not to be so hard on your mom. People who do this are not so much selfish as we might think. They are hurting individuals and your mom wanted to be that role model for you but she wasn't and deep down she knew it.

She like many others feel your life and my life would be better off without them in it and so they either attempt or succeed at suicide. In the midst of it, people like you and I become victims but not only us. Every person that either attempts are succeeds in suicide affects at least six to eight people.

That is the one cause of misery: we are attached, we are being caught. Therefore says the Gita: Work constantly; work, but be not attached; be not caught. Reserve unto yourself the power of detaching yourself from everything, however beloved, however much the soul might yearn for it, however great the pangs of misery you feel if you were going to leave it; still, reserve the power of leaving it whenever you want.

The weak have no place here, in this life or in any other life. Weakness leads to slavery. Weakness leads to all kinds of misery, physical and mental. Weakness is death. There are hundreds of thousands of microbes surrounding us, but they cannot harm us unless we become weak, until the body is ready and predisposed to receive them. There may be a million microbes of misery, floating about us. Never mind! They dare not approach us, they have no power to get a hold on us, until the mind is weakened. This is the great fact: strength is life, weakness is death. Strength is felicity, life eternal, immortal; weakness is constant strain and misery: weakness is death.

We get caught. How? Not by what we give, but by what we expect. We get misery in return for our love; not from the fact that we love, but from the fact that we want love in return. There is no misery where there is no want. Desire, want, is the father of all misery. Desires are bound by the laws of success and failure. Desires must bring misery.

Every day we renew our determination to be unattached. We cast our eyes back and look at the past objects of our love and attachment, and feel how every one of them made us miserable. We went down into the depths of despondency because of our "love"! We found ourselves mere slaves in the hands of others, we were dragged down and down! And we make a fresh determination: "Henceforth, I will be master of myself; henceforth, I will have control over myself." But the time comes, and the same story once more! Again the soul is caught and cannot get out. The bird is in a net, struggling and fluttering. This is our life.

I know the difficulties. Tremendous they are, and ninety per cent of us become discouraged and lose heart, and in our turn, often become pessimists and cease to believe in sincerity, love, and all that is grand and noble. So, we find men who in the freshness of their lives have been forgiving, kind, simple, and guileless, become in old age lying masks of men. Their minds are a mass of intricacy. There may be a good deal of external policy, possibly. They are not hot-headed, they do not speak, but it would be better for them to do so; their hearts are dead and, therefore, they do not speak. They do not curse, not become angry; but it would be better for them to be able to be angry, a thousand times better, to be able to curse. They cannot. There is death in the heart, for cold hands have seized upon it, and it can no more act, even to utter a curse, even to use a harsh word.

This is the first lesson to learn: be determined not to curse anything outside, not to lay the blame upon any one outside, but be a man, stand up, lay the blame on yourself. You will find, that is always true. Get hold of yourself.