My Mother Took Her Own Life

I was 11 years old and i had gone to my uncles house for lunch. My mom was extremely abusive verbally and physically, for this, I truly hated her, although at the same time, there was not much more that I had known, as i didn't have very many friends at the time either. After enjoying lunch and hanging out with my uncle, aunt and cousin. My dad and I decided to go home. When we got home, my dad told me to stay in the living room, after a few moments.

"Oh my God!"

I ran to my parent's bedroom and found my mom hanging from a pipe in the air-conditioning system, by a some fabric made into a noose. I start panicking and crying not knowing what to do. I ran back in, and distinctly remember a bruise along my now lifeless mother's neck, her tongue was sticking out.

It was weird, after all the years of abuse since i was 4, I was left with no answers. The person I hated the most in the world, was also the person I spent the most time with, there wasn't much else I knew besides coming home and being beaten and told in different forms, that I was "some monster from hell". She must have hated someone a lot.
jonnyld2 jonnyld2
18-21, M
1 Response May 21, 2012

Dear Jonny,<br />
<br />
This was difficult for you to take in at that time of your life. You spent most of your life in an abusive relationship with someone who was supposed to love you. You hated your mom for the abuse which I surely can understand why you would. Now you are feeling guilty that she killed herself. This was not your fault. You are feeling false guilt. There is nothing you could have done to change this.