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My Best Friend

May 21, 2001. Graduation was days away. Then Senior Week. And the rest of our lives. It became the worst day of my life. 5:03 am. I wake up to my mom sitting on my bed, crying. My little brother is standing in my doorway. Baby brother still sleeping. I ask mom, "Whats wrong?" "Renee just called." My immediate thought was something happened to Renee's mom, because she had been sick. "What happened?" I ask. Her response, the last thing I ever would have thought of. "Rebecca is dead" I shot up out of bed. "Don't tell me it was a car accident. I can't handle any more accidents" "Only detail I have is a gun." I became completely hysterical. Mom just held me. I got up and called my father. I was crying so hard I could barely get it out. Then, somehow, I went back to sleep...still to this day have no idea how. Didn't go to work or school for 3 days. We went to her house that day. I didn't talk to anyone at first. Just went straight for Renee, people trying to tell me to leave her alone. I ignored them all. When I found her, she got off the phone and we just cried and held each other. It's been 11 and a half years. We have no idea why she did it. Her note didn't say. Just that she was sorry, she loved us, and good bye. One night, a couple months before, she was staying at my dads with me. She told me that she was thinking about doing it. The worst thing I have ever said, and my biggest regret in life was "Don't ever tell me that again. Nothing in life is that bad." If only I would have taken her seriously. If I would have talked to her. Would it have helped? Maybe I will never know. I should have gotten her help. I should have been there. But now, I don't have my best friend, Renee doesn't have a daughter. Renee doesn't blame me, but I blame myself, still. I loved her like a sister. And I miss her so much. People don't realize how much others really care about them. If we showed more love, more caring, and didn't put them down so much, we could save so many lives....
sab01 sab01 26-30, F 1 Response Aug 22, 2012

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Wow. This is heartbreaking. Very well written, I know exactly what you mean. It was similar when my father died as a child. That moment when you get the news, your world stops. <br />
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You shouldn't blame yourself for it. I wish I could go back in time and warn my dad to go to the doctor's more often, maybe we'd have caught his illness sooner. You can't change the past... Only honour their memory in the future as you move forward. <br />
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Keep her in your heart.

Thanks man. I know she's watching over me, her family and mine. I think about her all the time. Her birthday is coming up in a month and a half. I can't help but think who we would be today, where we would be. She's came to visit me once, if you believe in that kind of thing, but I was so scared I ran away from her. She hasn't tried to show herself since. I was so afraid I would see her the way she died, not the way she lived, and with it being a gsw to the head, I couldn't bring myself to see her. Now, I would give anything to see her again.