Two Months Later..........

Oddly enough in a way I feel free........... yet I am broken. This week will be two months since my husband chose to end his life. He is dead and I am lost. This realization has not been easy, every day I look at my younger son and I see his face. Everywhere I go I am reminded that we were always together we did everything together. How do you go on??? This is my eternal question how do you resign yourself to this completely new life. I may never know or get there inside I am a tornado of thoughts and feelings and urges should I do this can I do that will I ever feel normal again???? I no longer live in a life of solitary confinement yet I would sell my soul to have him back I need him I want him I want to know who I am. Two months can feel like a lifetime, just thougt you might like to know.
bobbyswife30 bobbyswife30
26-30, F
10 Responses Sep 2, 2012

None of my words can fix what has happened, but I can grieve with a stranger.

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband took his life only weeks before your husband. I share in your struggle and pray for the both of us.

Thank you I will pray for you too

I am so, so sorry for your loss and the pain you have been left to deal with alone. On July 11, 2009, my fiance committed suicide and I found his body - hanging right inside the front door. I relive that day over and over in my head. The only comfort I can offer you is that although the pain never completely leaves, it does become manageable. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression and Panic Disorder after Kraig's death. I'm still fighting, but l do have my life back and I was finally able to deal with what happened. I was in such a dark place for such a long time. It was actually PHYSICALLY dark. I saw no light in life. I felt guilty because he text me "If you love me, come to me" several times before he did what he did. I feel that if I would have gone to him, he might still be here. That ate me alive with guilt for a long time. But ultimately, it was his pain, his decision and his anguish. My father said, "What if you would have gone to him and he killed you then him? or what if he did it right in front of you?" Those words made me look at the situation differently. I still miss my Kraigy, but I now refuse to allow his decision to ruin my life. I hope you find peace soon.

thank you so much every second is a struggle if you need me I am here

awww bless you

9 years ago my grandfather killed himself, I still wonder why, while this does not rise to the same level as a spouse,I cannot imagine my wife gone, I was suicidal a month ago, over the same wife ironically, but I am getting help, part of what stopped me was the pain I would be inflicting on everyone I know.

you must be a good man so sorry for your loss btw

I'm so sorry to hear what your husband went through. I'm sure he's up there watching over you. Be strong for you and your family, ok?

Thank you I will <3

Good, I will remember you in my prayers.

I will Pray for you y ou r children and your husbands soul. Remember we all love you and want to help you Just ask

thank you so very much

Bobby's Wife-<br />
<br />
2 months can sometimes feel like 2 Seconds or 2 days. For me, its been 6 years and it still feels like only 6 months or even 6 Days have past. <br />
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There is absolutly no way for you to go back to the same life you lived before Bobby went away. I am really sorry for being blunt about this, but also being a suicide survivor, having the knowledge that I will never go back to feeling that norm of what it felt pre post mordem was a scary thought, but now its become a reality that i've come to accept.<br />
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Just take it a day at a time. Don't make any major decisions within two years cause its going to take time for you to somewhat heal for the mind to go back into proper thinking mode.<br />
<br />
Johnsburg IL

thank you I am trying my best to be the best I can for our three children ages 10 5 and 18 months I know I will never be the same but is there a new normal????

They say people react to situations different from one another. One person may develp PSTD, while the other may not. It all depends on you, I would say.

Like I said, take it a day at a time at your own pace. Don't rush. And you'll come to realization in your own terms of what the new normal is.

I am so sorry for your loss. <br />
<br />
I'm sorry for his loss too. There will be so many things that he will not get to see, to enjoy in life. But you can.<br />
<br />
Our lives take different paths, different twists and turns. Sometimes we select them, sometimes they are selected for us. It isn't always easy (isn't often easy), but I find that if I am open to it, there is much joy to be experienced.<br />
<br />
It must be very painful to lose a spouse -- probably even more so to lose them to suicide. <br />
<br />
I wish for you inner peace.

thank you so much

losing someone you love is always hard. are you a believer in a religion??? I use the faith inside me to help me get through all the loss i've gone through..if you ever need to tlk go ahead. my window of talk is always open :) i wish you the best of luck on this long journey

thank you and like wise if you ever need to talk I am here