A Day I Will Never Get Over

May 2nd, 2011. Its a day that replays over and over in my mind. Silently. The day I received a phone call while at work. "Ash, I hate to call and tell you this but he is gone. He is dead. He took his own life." I dropped the phone and I picked it back up. I had no words to say to his wife. My mouth was so dry. I dropped to my knees. I asked her over and over again if she was serious or just joking. She started crying, I hung up on her. My boss and other co-worker was there. They grabbed me and asked what was wrong. I told them, "My brother, he is dead." They all knew my brother. I always took two weeks off in the summer, and week in the fall to visit him in Virgina. He was in the Navy. Going on 7 years when he left us. 26 years old. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stand. I couldn't speak. I had to call my mom, my boyfriend, and my grandmom. Inbetween heaps of sobbing and hysterics, all they got out of me was Ricky and dead. We bured him the day before Mother's day. May 7th, 2011. Navy paid for everything. They played TAPS at his funeral and all. His roommates drove to PA to pay their final respects. They found him that day. We hugged them so tight. All four of them, Their all in the Navy too. We still talk to them. They still call, message and Facebook us.

He left behind so much. Three beautiful children. All his co-workers/friends, our family. His facebook is still active to this day with people(mostily his co-workers and friends) who leave him random songs, photos and comments. They miss him. I miss him. I am planning my wedding. He was supposed to be walking me down the aisle. Now, he won't be. It hurts. I am almost a year and a half in, come November, and some days it hurts like hell. Other days, I have no clue what I am doing. The only good thing that has come out of his passing is how much I apprecaite people and life now. I run a support group via Facebook, and teach people the warning signs, facts, signs, and do a lot of work for awareness and prevention. I miss him so much.