My Angel

I was 11 years old when my brother committed suicide on December 28th , 2006 . Three days before he would turn 19 years old. My parents had gone out to a party so he was watching me and it was time for bed, he told me goodnight and that he loved me and i went to my room and fell asleep. My mother tells me that God must of been was watching over me sleeping so i wouldnt wake up.
I remember waking up to my mother in my room screaming saying something about my brother that he hung himself and running me out of the house to the next door neighbors . I remember looking out of their window to my house and seeing the ambulance coming out with the carrier that held my brother in it. I saw my parents on the ground, my mother screaming and shaking, my brothers friends huddled around...(we learned later that he had called them to come over , like he meant for them to see him) but they never did; my parents found him . I had felt my whole world crashing down on me, how could this happen? Could I have just stayed up and told him he couldn't go downstairs? , I could have prevented this somehow?. My aunt had came into the house I was in and we drove to the hospital where my family was inside this small little room crying . The doctor came in and pronounced he was dead. I was lifeless, drowning in my tears. We had found a note a few days later, and it said how he couldn't handle life anymore (he did drugs too) . I pray every day that he is in heaven with Jesus, something in his note makes me to this day cringe when he said something about being in "hell" . He had accepted Jesus in his heart when he was younger. I just pray that he's with Jesus right now, and I believe now he is. He was such an amazing big brother and now I need him more than ever , I'm turning eighteen years old soon and its really crazy I will be his age, and graduating, it hurts and bothers me to think about that , But to me he'll always be my big brother I know he's looking over me. My angel David. I'll love you forever and always .
Aishwayra Aishwayra
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 24, 2012

That story hit home for me,as I lost my brother to suicide in 2004.

I am so sorry losing a loved one is never easy I honestly do believe that they are all in heaven waiting for us

Thank you so much