Don't Know How To FeelHe was my cousin whom I've never met. Yet he did something I'd always wanted to do- he killed himself. Smoked his last cigarette and threw himself off the roof. Every time my family goes to see my grandfather's grave (died of old age), I go and visit his. I just kind of kneel down next to his tombstone and think out loud.
"Hey, Stephen. Hope you're doing ok. I'm just chilling as usual."
"I really wish I could have met you. We probably would have had something in common."
"It's raining again today. I don't hate the rain- it's the lightning I can't stand."
It's funny- I don't even know how he looked. I just remember my mom dressing in black and saying she was going to a wake for him. When she said he killed himself, I couldn't help but feel something along the lines between "Poor guy" and "Lucky bastard".