Goodbye Father.

I had a strange feeling that day. Something was nagging at me deep inside during class and at work. I was on the freeway and went south. I drove for hours until I finally arrived at my dad's house. I parking my car and noticed all the lights were off. I tood by the front door and didn't understand why there wea so much junk mail pil;ed up by his door. It looked odd and even sinister. I walked around to the back yard and went in. I stood by the backdoor and thought about crawling through the dog door. I had tried calling my dad earlier but my dad would often pull the phone cord out of the wall to avoid the world. We have that trait in common.

I suddenly felt a really sick feeling and got scared. My cell phoine rang and it was my mom. She sounded shalen and she bwegged me to just get out of there. I told her I didn't think he was home and she wanted me to get into my car and drive home. I felt confused and parked by a closed fast food joint to think.

I arrived home and went to bed. I was tired and my dad was probably at work since he worked nights. The next day I checked my answering machine and found amessage for the corner's office. I returned there call only to disciver they had found my father's body and needed me to identify it. My dad had shot himself in the head.

My mom and I went, it was all a bluyr...I just remember standing with her in his driveway and her crying. Inside i stared at the bathroom door for quite a bit before I openned it despite my mother's onjections. Inside..the last place my dad was before he died, I noticed the blood on the floor. There were candles in the bathtub..three for the father, the mother, and the holy ghost. There was also a shell casibng on the floor. It was December and CJristmas was approaching. My mom and I would not be sending my dad anything this year or ever again. I guess life was a painful struggle for him and he gave up.

I sometimes have these dreams where i am floating above the freeway and I travel along towards his house remebering the routes. I never get there and I never see him. He is now only a dream and a painful memory.
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1 Response Dec 7, 2012

May peace find you and be with you. Maybe writing about the good times with your father would help erase some of this memory.