He Was A Beautiful Person...

I met Ron at the gym and a friend decided to set us up on a date. I didn't think he would be my type, but from that date onward, I was head over heels in love. Within a month we were living together.
A short time into our relationship I learned that he suffered what he believed to be depression. He was always in good spirits when we were together- he made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the whole world. However, when he was alone he would get into a slump. He told me that before he met me he always thought of suicide, but since he hadn't me, life was now worth living. He told me one day that he was always afraid of dying because he never knew what it felt like to be truly happy and that's why he never could go through with killing himself. He said that since he had met me, he was no longer afraid to die, because he had never been as happy as he was with me.
We moved and bought a house five hrs from where he grew up. He became very down most of the time. We had a huge fight on a Thursday night. I worked nights the following Friday and came home Saturday morning.
Ron told me that he thought about gasing himself in our garage while I was at work. I reassured him that things were going to get better and I hugged him and kissed him. I told him I loved him. He seemed ok.... He left for work and I immediately called his parents in a panic and said I needed their help. They thought I was blowing thugs out of proportion. A few hours later, Ron called me and told me he had bought a gun and that he had made up his mind. I begged him not to do it. He told me he had the gun between his legs and that he was scared. He told me if he saw the police, he would pull the trigger. He asked me if I wanted to hear him do it. I hung up the phone. And phoned the police. He left a message on my phone racking the shotgun and pulling the trigger.
That happened at 11:33 am. It wasn't until 10:00 pm that my coworkers (police officers- yes, I'm a cop as well) came and told me they had found his body. His mother and father were at our house at this point. I will never forget his mother's gut wrenching screams.
I had to speak with the medical examiner that I deal with all of the time at work. I was forced to describe his tattoos because there was nothing left of his face.
I had to pick up items from the truck that belonged to me- they were covered in brain, skull and blood.

This experience has completely changed me. I don't trust people anymore. I have been hurt so bad that no one will ever be able to cause me the same kind of pain again.

This happened on Oct 16, 2010. It has been a very long and difgicult road. It's taken every ounce of my being to stay strong.
Tjeff Tjeff
2 Responses Dec 12, 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for having the courage to share your story x

Very sad