My Friend Michael

I was raised by my single mom in a poor area surrounded by other families headed by single mothers. This is where I met my friend Michael and his mother. Michael was sweet, shy, caring, playful, bright, energetic and creative. When I was 10 and he was 9 we often hung out together. We used to have contests to see who could hand stand the longest, who could walk on their hands the furthest, we even dared one another to try back flipping lol. We would talk for hours about our moms, our missing dads, our hopes and dreams, our fears, and our mutual love and longing for summer ( we are Canadian lol).
Michael was an awesome young boy and would have grown into a remarkable and loving man of this I am certain.
Michael never got the chance to grow up, he never got the chance to turn 10 because his mother whom had been suffering from depression chose to take both their lives. One night after visiting friends, she drove into her mothers detached garage, closed the door and left the engine running. Michael was asleep in the back seat.
I am 38 years old, this happened 28 years ago and I write this with tears in my eyes and a terrible, deep pain in my heart. I still hurt. I still miss Michael. I still wonder and worry about whether I could have done something, anything that could have prevented this tragedy.
I am still so angry at his mother, how dare she take someone so precious, so young, so innocent.
I would have done anything to have saved Michael, to have helped his mother receive the help she so desperately needed. I wish I could scream at her, suicide is never the answer and murder is unfathomable but I couldn't and I can't and all I am left with is this agonizing pain that never seems to leave me.
I hope michael knew how much I cared about him.
I write this for anyone contemplating suicide to please, please consider all of the many people who will be affected, who will suffer as a direct result of your choice.
There is help. Suicide is never the answer. People love you whether you realize it or not.

gumshoejane2 gumshoejane2
36-40, F
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

This is such a sad story Jane. I'm so, so, sorry that you lost Michael, your dear childhood friend in such a senseless tragedy. I have tears in my eyes right now just thinking about and what sadness you must have gone through at such a young age. I know if Michael could, he would tell you that he's so very happy to be where he is now, in heaven with Jesus, safe forever. I do hope his mother is there with him. What she did was wrong, but when you get to that point, where you don't see any other way out of your situation or whatever is bothering you, nothing at point, is going to change your mind. I truly believe people who commit suicide are not in their right mind when they do it. They can only see one way to get rid of their pain and just end it. Once they've made up what they think is in their right mind, nothing, other than a miracle, is going to stop them from doing it. Still, it's heartbreaking to family members and friends left behind, to suffer their loss and try and figure out why they chose that route. Only God knows why. Michael didn't choose that route, but his mother chose to take him with her. May God have mercy on her soul! Jane, my friend, you will see you dear childhood friend, Michael later on down the road. You'll be able to make up for all the times you missed with him and you'll be friends for eternity. Love You, Charben47

Thank you for this beautiful response Char my friend.

Your very welcome Jane, my friend. I have to start reading some of your stories and experiences more often. Take care and say hello to your family & to your country to the north of us, Canada! :)

I lost a nephew to suicide on husbands side. Nobody even knew he was out with his family on the weekend acting very happy then he just hung himself we did not have much to do with him growing up but if he had reached out I would have taken him in. The real suicides never reach out.

Yours was a murder suicide. But his mother possible thought she could not leave him.
I am sorry for your loss and the deep pain your feeling. Please as you go on remember as long as there is a cross in your heart he will remain.
I too lost someone but not to suicide. The pain never goes away subsides sometimes but when alone it is there and no medication etc for that
Best of luck to you.

My nephew also left children behind young children

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Very well done! Brought a tear to my eye also. Keep those memories of Michael going!