He Didn't Even Give Me A Chance

I don't even remember him. He was my dad. He was in the army, and maybe he was even a good father, but I'll never know. My mom never told me, and I think that was what hurt me the most when she finally did. She said that he had chronic depression, that he couldn't help it. But couldn't he have helped it, for me? One thought that haunts me was that it was my fault. I think that maybe I was crying a lot that day, and that convinced him that life wasn't worth living now. I don't know. I don't hate him, I didn't even know him, but I want to know him, but he never gave me that chance.
Nasuada Nasuada
1 Response Jan 17, 2013

I had to take a second look at your post and make sure it wasn't me that wrote it. My dad was in the Army. He fought in Vietnam. He shot and killed himself in December 1971. I was born May 1972. I never met him at all. I understand how you feel. I have lived with this all my life. The not knowing why. Wondering if it was because he had a baby on the way and wasn't sure about what to do or how to handle it. I still mourn for a man I never met, but love with all my heart. I have been to the point where I was mad at him for choosing to take his own life. I then feel guilt for being mad. So many feelings and questions and no help to get "over" it. I don't think I will ever be "over" it. If you need to talk, I'm here.