My Brother

I hadn't spoken to him in 13 years, but his being gone has effected me quite a bit. He had fibromyalgia, and couldn't sleep all night, and he was depressed, not working and feeling rather lost. He was very stubborn, which certainly runs in my family. And he had a very hot temper. The last time I saw him, (years before he got fibromyalgia), we got into an argument....and he always thought that his opinion was the only right one, so it never got resolved or forgiven. He had a flair for drama, and that night we (mom, my 3 kids, he and I) went out to dinner, and he ordered a whole fried fish just to see what it looked like--he asked the waitress: how do you eat this thing? He had had about 5 beers, and was not feeling "any pain." We then went to mom's house, and that's when we "got into it." He didn't like that I didn't agree with him, so between his temper and the beer, he threatened to throw me down her stairs. It was a pretty stupid argument, but once it was done, there was no going back.

He's gone, and I miss him. I think about his good qualities, and about all the struggles he went through. Like mom telling him to eat "just a spoonful of peas," but he refused, so dad made him sit at the table "until he ate them"....he still didn't eat them! I'd find him in the middle of the night, sound asleep in a terrible position, still at the dinner table. Or my uncle's German shepherd biting him on the face, and not letting go until my uncle opened the dog's mouth. Or my dad giving him a crew cut (when he was in 7th grade, and loved his hair that touched the collar of his shirt) because he found him trying out a cigarette. Or the time he was racing a friend on a bike, and ran into a parked Volkswagon....he had split his head open, but his crotch was the only place that he thought was injured.

Some of his qualities: He wouldn't do anything unless he did it the best that it could be done.  Much like an old fashion furniture maker, when he did it, it was quality.  He was very creative and was fun to have at parties.  He was intelligent, and got frustrated with the stupid people around him.  He, like many others, lost his job with a big airline because of 9/11.  He worked on the engines, and was, of course, extremely precise.  A cousin of ours said that he was very honored to have had him as a cousin.  I enjoyed being his sister for many, many years.

I hope, dear brother, that you have found the peace that you were searching for! We all miss you!